From the author: I continue publishing the book “How to save a family or when is it better to get a divorce” How does a crisis arise in a family - an algorithm? Is it possible to prevent a family crisis? You can if you learn to understand and identify the signs that your relationship is entering a funnel of destruction. It all usually starts with irritation from the actions or words of your partner. You don’t like how they caress you during intimacy, how they talk to you, what they give you, etc. And if you suppress this feeling in yourself, ignore this feeling instead of sharing (calmly, without hysteria!) with your partner, your irritation outgrows offended. Offense can be fleeting, or it can become permanent. And when it firmly takes hold of your heart, the internal negative energy from a small amplitude - irritation - often moves to large leaps in the form of anger, angry hysteria. Stuck, unresolved resentment leads to psycho-emotional derangement. A barrier appears inside you, protection from mental and even physical intimacy with your partner. The very thought of sex may make you feel disgusted. You don’t want to share your problems or your joys with this person. You can react directly: by criticizing, refusing sex, threatening to leave, complaining about it to your friends, finding all sorts of reasons to spend time apart. You can do this indirectly: by having a lover, plunging into work or raising children, secretly wanting to part with him as soon as possible. And if for some reason your union did not break up at this stage, the relationship may enter the stage of negative acceptance. In this case, your negative perception of your spouse is forced out of consciousness into the unconscious, you seem to accept his shortcomings, do not pay attention to them and to your feelings about this. You think that everything is NORMAL. But the family stops giving you joy and energy, and turns into a colossus with feet of clay, which can last until the end of your days, or can SUDDENLY collapse for “unclear reasons.” What to do? We need to close this funnel, break the circle of negative energy. Irritation and resentment are a consequence of the negative state in which we may be. When we are stressed, upset or, even worse, angry, we often make many strategic and communication mistakes, sometimes irreparable. So, as the great classic bequeathed to us, learn to control yourself! It’s easy to say, but how to learn this? Here is one of the author’s techniques, which is called “Matryoshka”. Our states are like a nesting doll (who doesn’t know, a matryoshka is a collapsible toy in the form of a doll , inside which there are several more of the same pupae, only smaller). The biggest nesting doll is the one on the outside. This protective shell is the first manifestation of emotions - anger, annoyance, resentment. Hidden underneath is a defenseless nesting doll—sorrow, disappointment, melancholy. The next nesting doll is anxiety, fear, a feeling of danger. And in the depths of our states - awareness, acceptance, repentance, guilt, forgiveness. And when a person goes through all these states - from anger to forgiveness - love comes to him for himself, for his neighbor, for the world. And maybe that’s why men are very a woman who is capable or has experience of going through these conditions is often valued. After all, it is precisely such a woman who will be able to give them love. When you feel some kind of negative emotion, try to transfer it to a deeper level, and then you will find that your anger and bitchiness are empty, which does not make you or anyone better. who is with you. And when you get to your essence, you will be surprised to discover how much strength and kindness you have. Arina Last year an event happened to me that turned my whole life upside down. There was a serious rift in the family. I came home from work to empty hangers... Like in the movie eperesete... What happened to me? It's fucked up, what happened... I didn't know where to run or what to do. Before the "hangers" I was sure that my child would not go anywhere, that he loved me/