Are there relationships without conflicts? Clashes and conflicts are not the most pleasant, but normal part of relationships. But these conflicts can proceed in different ways. How to make sure that a showdown does not destroy the relationship itself?1. Often during a conflict, we or our partner, for some reason, “fall” into a childish state. During a quarrel, listen to yourself - how do you perceive your spouse, yourself? Maybe you feel like you did as a child when your mother scolded you? Or do you perceive your spouse as a child? Return to adulthood and try to return your partner to the same place. For this purpose ↓2. Become aware of your feelings. This can be difficult: behind anger there is often hidden fear (of loss, for example), behind resentment there is an urgent need for attention, etc. Having understood what we are really experiencing, we can correlate the situation and our feelings, understand what caused them. Try to see what your partner is experiencing. Tell him what you think he is experiencing. But - important! - not in an accusatory form, but as an assumption (example - I see that you are upset/angry).3. Keep in mind the end goal of your conversation. What do you want? If the relationship is valuable, then you both want to maintain it and modify it so that you both feel comfortable in it. Emerging conflicts are a marker of how to achieve family harmony. Tell your spouse about the purpose of the conversation (in the heat of your own feelings, this goal can shift, and its place is taken by painful resentment, the desire to prove something, to assert oneself, etc.). Example - “I see that something has really hurt you, and you are upset about it. I didn’t want to offend you [that’s true], what offended you?”.4. It often happens that a specific word, gesture, or action hurts. For example, the phrase “you piss me off,” said by the husband with the meaning that he is irritated by the current conflict or situation, is perceived by the wife as a personal insult - that he experiences constant strong irritation from her. And a woman’s “oh, that’s it,” said out of a feeling of powerlessness, is perceived by her husband as a complete devaluation of his words. Watch your expressions. Would it be normal for you if these expressions were used to you? What do you want to say with this phrase? Is it possible to reformulate it into something clearer and more direct (avoiding metaphors)? It happens that a word that is normal in our personal opinion is offensive to another person (due to personal history). In this case, it is necessary to avoid such statements and modify them.5. If emotions overwhelm you, take a break. When sorting things out in a fit of anger and resentment, you risk forgetting about the purpose of the conversation. Strong emotions are insidious, and force you to act in their interests, and not in the interests of the relationship. Take a break of 10-30 minutes. Drink tea, walk alone for a while. Emotions will subside, and it will be easier to hear the voice of reason - both yours and your partner.6. Do not hope that the conflict will resolve itself. This is fraught with hidden grievances and misunderstandings, leading to new quarrels.7. Remember that everyone experiences conflict differently. And the “recovery” is different for everyone. After reconciliation, some people behave as if nothing had happened, while others need time to calm down completely. This does not mean that there are still claims against you or you have if the relationship is cleared up - we are just all different. No matter how long you are in a relationship, conflicts will arise. Childhood traumas, residue from past grievances, accumulated internal tension - all this spills out where we can allow ourselves to be vulnerable and feel most secure - next to the people closest to us. But if you teach yourself constructive behavior, no conflicts will grow to alarming proportions..