When we praise a child for something and tell him “You did well!”, then in this case we are talking about “conditional praise”. Let's look at this concept in more detail. Let's say you praise your child for tidying up his toys in his room or for eating everything at dinner. Who really wins? Maybe the phrase “Well done!” Is it more about our comfort than about the child's emotional needs? Rita Dee Vries, a professor of education at the University of Northern Iowa, calls this "sweetened control." Such encouragement in the form of “You did great” is a way to ensure that children meet the expectations of adults. If you think about it, punishment is based on the same analogy. Such tactics may be effective in obtaining a specific outcome, yet they are very different from engaged interactions with children. For example, the child may be engaged in a conversation about what responsibilities are at home and school, or about how certain behaviors and actions ( and inaction) can affect other people. This approach brings the adult more into the child's world and is more likely to help children learn to think about important things for themselves. When we tell a child that he is great, we give an assessment of his personality, and the child will constantly crave our approval, confirmation that he meets this assessment. Children gradually become dependent on praise. Of course, not all praise involves control of children's behavior by adults. We can completely sincerely praise children, rejoicing at their actions and achievements. And even in this case, it is necessary to be attentive to our words. Instead of strengthening a child’s sense of self-worth and allowing healthy self-acceptance to form, praise can make him more dependent on us and our opinions. The more often we say: “I like the way you ...” or “You did well ...”, the less children learn to form their own judgments, and the more they get used to relying on the opinions of adults about what is good and what is bad. It turns out that that the phrase “You did great” may not only not support the child, but even increase his level of anxiety. And the more often we voice it to our children, the more they will need it. This can carry over into adulthood, when a person desperately wants someone to tell him that he is doing everything right. It is quite difficult to realize that “Well done!” is the same rating as “Very bad”. The peculiarity of a positive judgment is not that it is positive, but that it is a judgment. When a child manages to do something for the first time, or he did it better than the last time, this is a valuable moment. Here it is important to catch yourself in the reflexive desire to say “Well done!” Just let your child share his joy with you, and at the same time let him not expect any kind of verdict from you. The phrase “Well done! Nice drawing!” can encourage children to draw only as long as adults watch and praise. You can often encounter a situation where children stop doing something due to a loss of attention from adults to the child’s activities. Does praise motivate children? Certainly! She motivates children to receive that same praise. And often this happens due to commitment to those actions that cause it. The words of adults are very important for the child; over time, he becomes dependent on praise and tries to confirm his importance again and again. And he begins to choose those tasks and tasks for which he will definitely receive the coveted “You did great!” A motive for avoiding failure begins to form, which will be built into the life picture of the world of an adult. What children really need is absolute acceptance and unconditional love. This is not just different from praise - it is its opposite. "Well done!" - this is just a convention that means that we offer attention, approval,.