From the author: Dedicated to happy parents of happy children. Hysteria is part of a child’s “bad” behavior that is not acceptable for parents. A little about bad behavior in general: The child behaves badly in such cases.. He wants to attract attention to himself. - In this case, it is necessary to allocate time a day for at least 30 minutes, which you will spend exclusively with your child, doing things in common with him (interesting to him) things. - You will tell him how much you love him, how happy he is for you, etc. - You will tell him honestly about your feelings - fatigue, joy, anger, the desire to be alone (alone) - and you will help him, by setting an example, to realize these feelings in himself. This is a long process, but this investment is worth it - a happy child! 2. He wants to dominate the situation, adults, peers. We tell psychocorrective tales. A positive model for the manifestation of leadership qualities can be proposed (since power is associated with expressed leadership qualities): a good leader must first of all take care of his friends.3. He wants to take revenge on an adult for something. Every person has the right to their own opinion, even if it does not correspond to reality, and every person has the right to come up with pictures of “their” reality. We, all adults, do this every minute. Why don’t we give the right to do this to another person - our child? In general, if a child has a “distorted” idea of ​​​​your relationship with him, perhaps he perceives everything literally - as it is, and not as you want (or as he wants) and you just need to explain to him what is white and what is black in your family’s value system... The main thing is to be honest with yourself! “Don’t raise your children, they will still be like you” - personal example is the most effective means of education. 4. He is scared, anxious, he wants to avoid failure. - Failures may concern not only his personal social life. They mainly concern his feelings (unconscious anxiety) regarding the relationship of his parents and the general atmosphere in the family. Even the fact that there is someone to manipulate (for example, grandmother against mother!) - all this traumatizes the child. He does not yet have a formed psyche and analytical consciousness. All this is at the level of formation. And such confrontations in the family cause trauma to the developing psyche. In this case, your beloved child needs to be supported, DO NOT ALLOW YOUR PARENTS TO HIS UPBRINGING, ALWAYS ADHERE TO THE CHOSEN LINE OF BEHAVIOR UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES, and ALWAYS ALL OCCURRED CONFLICTS REGARDING THESE OPTIONS ROSOV EXPLAIN TO HIM! “My family – my fortress” - mom and dad are the law. The child must feel it. This is the only authority that makes decisions in her life. There is no need for manipulation, in any case it will be as the main adult said - choose him once and for all. Preferably dad. Even if it's just a game and not true. But it’s right for mom to maintain exactly this image of dad – the HEAD OF THE FAMILY. And dad, of course, can’t let you down when he’s there! This is, after all, daddy’s flesh and blood. And it is important that the child grows up happy!5. He does not have a sense of proportion. Tell stories, watch cartoons in which the situation is brought to the point of absurdity, showing the consequences of the hero’s actions and leaving the choice of behavior style up to him. For example, a cartoon about “NOT I want” Reasons that contribute to the formation of hysteria in a child: 1. Too many restrictions. FOR one “No”, there must be three “Can” - the ratio is impossible/possible = 1/3;2. Inconsistency of the requirements of significant (educating) adults. (Inconsistency of requirements for the child from family members) - alternating education; - One says one thing, the other says another; adults compete with each other for authority. - there is a third party - not a parent, who has influence on what happens to the child - causes anxiety in the child. May lead to phobia - nostability of the world.3. Increased demands on the child;4. Violation of consistent requirements for the child (it must be - if today is not possible, then tomorrow and the day after tomorrow is not possible);5. The systemic nature of upbringing is disrupted (upbringing must be streamlined. Upbringing - from the words - “replenishment” of “nutrition” (with the energy of love); Think about the etymology of the word EDUCATION - Replenishment - replenishment of nutrition. This is what only parents can give. From the moment the birth of a little man, all adults “know” what he needs, what is right for him, all his life in different institutions and in social communication he will be taught what is “good” and “right” for him. And only his parents. they can simply love him as he is - not want anything from him, not correct him, nor correct him, but simply LOVE HIM and thereby teach him to love himself, and therefore the world and other people. through love for him, parents teach him to love and accept himself, to feel confident, needed and significant in the world, which will undoubtedly lead him to feel HAPPY. This is the goal of EDUCATION.6. Strict dominance of one of the spouses - parents with a child; 7. a barrier between father and child (if there is a father in the house), as well as limiting the influence of the father in the process of upbringing (if there is no father in the family at all, a completely different system of relations, a different style of relationship is built); The father is at home, but ignores the child. The child thinks why he is so bad that his closest people reject him. And attracts attention or tests close people - mom for “loyalty” - and she at least loves me if dad rejects me.8. Conflict in family relationships – disruption of interpersonal relationships between parents; So, your child squeals, throws himself on the floor, hits his head and knocks his legs, and his charming and gentle voice now most of all resembles the howl of a fire siren? This especially happens when there are spectators... Two support groups immediately gather: one takes pity on the poor baby and casts withering glances at you, the other takes your side and offers to call the police. But you don’t know where to go from the painful shame and uninvited helpers, and more than anything else you want to stop this disgrace. But how? Shout, spank, pretend that you have nothing to do with it, and generally just stand nearby - or do whatever she wants... Sound familiar? IN ADDITION TO THE ABOVE, there may be the following reasons: Ø Physical discomfort The child is not yet very aware of his bodily sensations. He may experience some kind of pain or discomfort, which deprives him of mental balance, but at the same time he does not understand the true cause of his condition. Hysterics can be caused by both a feeling of hunger and basic physical fatigue. For example, “a mother decided to arrange a full-fledged holiday for her five-year-old son. First we went to the zoo. The son was refused nothing: if you want to go to the polar bears, go to the bears, if you want to go to giraffe - please, on the carousel - we went to the carousel. Then we went to an ice cream parlor, then we went to the Cultural Park to ride on the carousel again, and in the evening we went to his best friend, there they also had a lot of fun. to go home, we decided to run to the store where my mother needed to buy groceries. And there he made a terrible scandal over some nonsense: he demanded to buy another toy, and I had already run out of money. Well, he’s an ungrateful pig - his mother is him. this and that, but he can’t behave normally!” The indignation is understandable, but in fact, the reason for the scandal was not the toy at all. The son was simply very tired during the day - such a “cultural program” is not easy for an adult to endure, much less for a child. Try to moderate even entertainment, since although it is pleasant, it is still stressful for a fragile psyche. Ø Pay attention to me! Often, a child uses hysterics to try to get parental attention. This happens especially often ifparents hardly see their child throughout the week, and on weekends they want to rest and relax from the hard work of everyday life. Moreover, it often happens that the child spends the whole day with his mother and does not see his father. On the long-awaited weekend for the child, the father does not pay attention to the child, but the child throws a tantrum at the mother. This is because the child trusts his mother - she will not leave him, she will not refuse him, and the emotions of resentment and pain from the fact that dad is not paying attention need to be thrown out somewhere! In this case, the parent whom the child sees little, try at least on the weekend spend more time with him. And it is not at all necessary to “go out into the world” every time. You can just play, read your favorite book, cuddle on the sofa, or take a walk in the nearby park. See. Item 1. Or maybe you’ll want to create a grandiose family collage on a piece of Whatman paper next weekend - from magazine pictures, your own photographs - and complement all this beauty, for example, with extraordinary plasticine bas-reliefs. Ø Hysteria-manipulation If at first the child’s wishes were satisfied according to his first squeak (especially if there was a person who knew better than the mother what was right and wanted to do “good” for the child. And at some point the parents decided that their child had already grown up enough and It’s time to take responsibility for upbringing into your own hands and not let those who are “especially interested” approach the child. But the child is sincerely perplexed: why won’t everything now be the way I want? In this case, with the help of hysteria, the child often achieves the desired result. It only takes one or two. times to get what you want after violent tears, and now a strong association has been established - inspired hysteria perfectly solves all problems. In this case, the most important thing is SPECTATORS. No spectators - no hysterics. Ø When there is no agreement between parents Mom forbids eating candy before dinner, but grandma allows it. With dad you can climb the highest step of the iron ladder in the schoolyard (dad is convinced that a future man should not be afraid of heights), and mom almost had a heart attack from this sight. What to do? THE MAIN THING is to try to develop a unified line of behavior. The child very quickly understands that some relatives allow him more than others, and cleverly begins to use this circumstance to his advantage. But in the end, the ever-shaky frames do not give him the opportunity to rely on them, they disorient the child! UPBRINGING SHOULD BE STABLE. So it will be better for both the child and his relatives if there is one person responsible for upbringing and they all live according to the same laws, the goal of which is the child’s happiness! However, sometimes it is very difficult to agree. Then you need to calmly explain to your child, without blaming or reproaching anyone: mom has one rules, and dad (nanny, grandmother, grandfather) has others. When you walk with your mother, please follow her rules. Ø I myself!!!Hysterics can express a protest against excessive care and a desire to be independent. This often happens with an authoritarian parenting style. Remember how you communicate with your child in the clinic, in the park, at home. You can even record yourself on a voice recorder. If your child mostly hears from you: “You can’t!”, “Don’t go there!”, “Don’t touch!”, “Don’t you dare!”, “Stop it!”, then it’s not surprising that he’s trying to defend the right to independence. It is very important for a child to feel respect from his parents and recognition of his abilities. Try to listen to your child, expand the scope of his activities, give him more freedom, and perhaps the problem of tantrums will gradually disappear from your life. There is a new person in the world. And we follow her interests. We are helping her. She doesn't owe us anything. She will owe her children! Our participation in the interests of our child is a “charitable contribution” to the Universe, the Earth. Meanwhile, we continue to rewind our videotape. Storm, a storm is coming soon! The child persistently asks you for something, demands, is indignant. The wings are already shakingnose, eyes fill with tears, and the corners of the lips droop. You feel that the child is about to burst into tears, he is close to hysterics. Stop! First of all, stop and honestly and accurately answer yourself one single question: can you fulfill his request? The tactics of your further actions depend on this. If you can, tell your child to calm down and ask you in a normal tone, without whining or sobbing. Practice shows that in small things it is better to meet the child halfway. Let's say a child wants to splash around in puddles in a brand new overall. Admit that deep down you were ready for such a turn. This means that you need to discuss and decide in advance what to wear for a walk, whether you will go somewhere else after it, and whether there are spare clothes. Just don’t forget that a child is not a mannequin to demonstrate your artistic taste and financial capabilities. He has the right to splash through puddles, climb trees and mess around in the sand and mud, no matter what the neighboring grandmothers say. In this case, it is better to go for a walk in old clothes that you don’t mind getting dirty. By the way, one of the most common reasons for hysteria is an adult’s prohibition. Try not to have too many prohibitions, but they are all clear and justified (it is advisable to make a list of your prohibitions for your child). Then it will be easier for him to navigate among them. If you understand that you cannot fulfill the request of your precious child now for objective reasons (no money, no opportunity, the item he requires belongs to someone else and you have no right to dispose of it, etc.), calmly and clearly explain this to your child. At this moment, old psychological tricks usually work: Ø distract. The younger the child, the better this method works. A baby is able to forget about all the tears at the sight of a huge crow, which circles around the stale crust and is afraid to fly closer. Luckily for you, just at this moment a plane may fly by, an old Beatle of unimaginable beauty may fly by, or even an advertising balloon will soar into the sky. Ø offer an adequate replacement. For example, like this. Now we can’t buy this airplane because I don’t have money. But on the other hand, we can come home and together make an airplane out of paper (make it out of plasticine, build it out of chairs, etc.). It is quite possible that the prospect of joint activities will be more attractive for the child than a ready-made store-bought toy. Ø leave the artist without an audience. A child often begins to work for the public. Try to deprive him of an appreciative audience (take him out of the store, take him to a not too crowded place on the street, or leave him alone in the room). Sometimes hysterics are directed, as they say now, at the target audience, i.e., intended for a specific person. For example, Strictly speaking, this is also an option for an adequate replacement, but you need to prepare for it in advance. Suppose a child in a store constantly demands that he be given the choice of the largest chocolate bar or cake. It is clear that this will not benefit either his health or your wallet. But in fact, most likely, the baby just wants to participate in shopping and choose what he likes. This means that at home you agree in advance that he will also shop, and in the store your task is to unobtrusively lead him to the stand with curds and yoghurts. If you have to choose, it’s healthier food! But how happy and proud of himself will be a child who has been given, like an adult, the opportunity to choose the most real, not “fake” products! He can also carry them from the store in his own bag. In most cases, these methods will avoid hysteria. But let’s say you failed to do this and the Thunderstorm did not pass by... Stop all discussions and try to remain calm, although this, of course, is not easy. The less attention a child with hysterics receives from you and other people, the sooner the hysteria will stop. Now it is no longer possible to give in, since your!!!!!