I'm not a robot

CAPTCHA

Privacy - Terms

reCAPTCHA v4
Link



















Original text

It’s a good theory and sounds tempting - you can give yourself everything! But, in my opinion, it crumbles to pieces at the very first contact with real life. Please note that this does not negate the importance of the ability to rely on yourself and much more give to yourself. But in real life it turns out that we all want something from others. Yes, we want it in different degrees and quantities, in different shapes or forms, whatever. But I still want to. And, alas, it will not be possible to satisfy certain needs while remaining in an isolated world with only yourself. Safety (emotional and physical) is the foundation on which healthy, strong relationships are built. If one of the partners in a couple is unsafe, then it is difficult to create a stable, reliable and harmonious relationship. Sometimes a person has problems with trust and feels threatened even where there really is none. You can work with and understand this to reduce the feeling of fear in the relationship and feel more secure in it. But I won’t dwell on this in detail now. The need for security is paramount in a relationship, but not the only one. There are several basic needs, for the satisfaction of which (unfortunately or fortunately, whichever is closer) we really need another person. The need for acceptance . We want to be accepted and understood with all our flaws, traumatized parts, negativity and mood swings. And we expect that the other in this sense will be stable and reliable, will not turn away from us if he suddenly doesn’t like something. The need for recognition of our value. We want to be valued, to be interested in us, to be respected, to consider us worthy, rejoiced at our successes and achievements. The need for community. This is the desire to be on the same wavelength, the desire for collaboration, common activity. When it is important to have a common experience, to share views, opinions, feelings. It's kind of a feeling - we're together, and it's so cool. At the beginning of a relationship or a period of falling in love, it may generally look like psychosis (a wonderful magical time). But gradually the sensations transform into calmer ones. The need for self-determination. We want to be similar to others in some way, but it is also important to be individual and unique, to be able to freely express our opinion, our taste, our point of view. The need for influence. We want to see that our state, words, actions influence another person, that our opinion is listened to. And this allows you to grow in a relationship. The need for initiative from the other party. We want the initiative in relationships to come not only from us. So that the partner is active, offers some options in conflicts, also options for spending time, calls, shows signs of attention. So that this is not a “one-sided game.” The need for expression of love. We need warm words and hugs, gifts and compliments, tenderness and intimacy, closeness and communication, care and attention from another. It is important for us that our partner demonstrates his love for us in different ways. Here, of course, everyone can have their own love language and this is important to take into account. And there is another interesting need that is realized and satisfied in a relationship. You probably know from your own experience that in relationships we not only want to be accepted and expressed love, cared for and appreciated. We also have a need to take care of others ourselves, to be attentive, and to express our love for others. That is, it works both ways. What we ourselves need, we are often ready to do for our loved one. In general, what is the main idea here? It looks like we'll have to accept that we can't do without other people. And it is not weakness if we admit that we need another person next to us. This may just reflect one of the aspects of psychological maturity. A quote from the film “Friend” (1987) comes to mind. There, his dog talks to the main character. And during one of the dialogues the dog says to him: “I, nevertheless,.