People are different. And we are offended in different ways. One “sulks” for a long time, making the life of loved ones almost unbearable, while the other tries not to hold a grudge, trying to get rid of grievances on the fly. Both religious leaders and psychologists like to often repeat that one must forgive and not hold grudges within oneself. Both are, of course, right. But often a person does not even suspect that his grievances are a kind of crutch or a protective shield in communicating with the one with whom he is supposedly offended. Teenagers are very indicative in this regard. Everyone knows how touchy a teenager is. He got offended, slammed the door and that’s it...he’s “in the house.” His annoying parents have officially left him behind! Similar behavior is also typical for adults. When you need a person to disappear from your life, you just need to be “offended” by him and stop communicating. And, in general, it’s not even interesting that others will be perplexed about changes in your behavior, the main thing is that you, like that teenager, are “in the house.” Such situations are typical for everyone: work colleagues, girlfriends, spouses . We all use resentment as a punishment for someone we don’t like and as a way to distance ourselves from him. Here, for example, is a typical client case. My spouse wanted to have emotions on the side. At first everything is fine. But... he ran into the one who set the goal of taking him away from the family. And then it began: she gives him the brightest emotions, and writes endless text messages about love, and regrets, and cares, and scolds Megaera, with whom he is now forced to live , and who recently began to pay less attention to him, allowing herself to pursue a career. And suddenly he realizes that this young Charming is his “Swan Song”! And she also needs him like air, because the Girl is exhausted alone with her child in this cruel ocean of life! He is her Knight, she is his Fairy! And everything seems to be turning out amazingly and magically! One trivial question: what to do with that...non-Fairy? This is where resentment “hurries to the rescue”! Sunday business trips, scandals, demonstrative slamming of doors and threats to leave begin. Irritation and the mask of an offended person become permanent. The husband’s response to his wife’s proposal to see a psychologist, which sounds: “What if the psychologist and I decide that in order for me to become happy, I will need to leave the family?” is not alarming at first, although by this time she herself already quite tired of demonstrating how unhappy he is around her, feeling constantly guilty before him for this. It would be later, much later, after his (as she naively thought) marriage was too quick, everything would fall into place: and his hysterics, and business trips and RESULTS...RESULTS and the desire to BLAME your ex-wife become understandable. How else? Honestly talk to your wife about the fact that this is how life turned out: he met someone else and is now torn between them, he didn’t have the courage. It is much easier to BE OFFENSIVE and leave the family, proudly bearing your inflated grievances, accusing your wife of the fact that, well, for example, her interest in the profession broke up the family. The final point in understanding what is happening will be put by the fact that any calls about what they have in common with their ex the child's husband will cause real rage in his young companion. And the scandals that follow after these calls will force this young Knight to ask his ex not to call him on any issue, even regarding the child, because his young wife is jealous (she can even be understood in this... the “not your own”, torn out with such difficulty, should be protected at all costs !)If you think about why this man needs these grievances, the answer will be banal and obvious. Well, firstly, by being offended by your ex-wife, you don’t have to take on your part of the responsibility for dissatisfaction with the marriage. Secondly, grievances allow you to “save face” both in front of yourself and in front of perplexed family and friends (fortunately, the ex-wife is not one of the complainers who gargle his name on every corner). And thirdly, you never know how life will turn out with the current Young Fairy, whose erotic charm will eventually be “blurred” by everyday life. The guilty ex-wife is not only happy to...