One of the frequent questions to a psychologist is how not to return to a past (dysfunctional) relationship. After a breakup, it can be difficult to adapt to a new way of life without a partner. At the same time, different feelings are strong - loss, resentment, melancholy. And, left alone with himself, a person does not always know what to do, how to further build his life. And what happens is that he is “pulled” back into the relationship from which he left. He left for a reason. But I forgot about it under the influence of a surging feeling of emptiness, melancholy, loneliness, etc. But you left the relationship for a reason. It was bad for you there. And, having decided to save your life, your healthy psycho-emotional state, you decided to change something, namely to get out of an unfavorable (or even downright toxic) relationship. Why does it pull you back, and how to help yourself rely on common sense, and not on psychological ones "distortions". Let's analyze. For what reason do you want to return? This is often a trap. The person thinks that he still loves. But during the conversation we find out something else: “I left, and I felt empty. Then there was someone nearby, there was some kind of presence, there was even a certain set of everyday things, but now I am alone, left to myself. And it became unbearable for me I feel sadness, loss of meaning, or still emptiness, I began to miss something." Therefore, the 1st and most important thing is to hear yourself, not to fall into the delusion that this is love - often a person wants to return to a past relationship so as not to experience it. this emptiness, don't feel alone. And not because he loves his ex-partner and really wants to be with him. In an attempt to extinguish this emptiness, melancholy, the memory seems to erase the unpleasant thing that happened, and because of which the person could not stand it and left, but throws up the opposite - after all, it was good for us, maybe everything is not so scary. And, having returned, after a month or two he understands that it was a mistake, that the same nightmare is repeating itself. That is, your return is not a step towards love, but an escape from emptiness. And people who often break up or get back together with the same partner describe that there is no longer much faith, that love will come, well, there will be a little calm and even a little romance for a month or two, and then everything will be the same for us as before. earlier. It’s useful to think about it. Have you or your ex-partner changed much at this point? Did you really realize what mistakes you made? This takes time. Deep introspection, or even work with a psychologist. For other actions you need to think differently. And often the partner from whom they left begins to actively return the fugitive, assuring that - “I realized everything! Come back.” It voices exactly what you want to hear, and it’s captivating. When you return back, what do you hope for? You left this relationship for a reason. Remember why you left. You feel empty. Perhaps you have reduced your entire life to your partner, making him the center of your life. And now that he’s not around, it’s as if the meaning is lost. Listen to yourself now. The bad thing is that much was not given importance, perhaps hobbies and creativity disappeared, meetings with friends became rare, little attention to oneself, etc. It is logical that, suddenly being left without a partner, there is a feeling of severe lack. But who are you missing? Perhaps himself? Maybe we need to bring love back to life? Remember that you feel good when you manifest yourself through different areas of life, create something, participate in something. The meaning of life is not limited to relationships. And, even more so, if you have left a toxic relationship. In order not to return, you really need to support yourself in the period after the breakup. It can be difficult. But it is necessary that you become less immersed in negativity. After a breakup, you need positive activity - activities that give you pleasant feelings. Remember what you used to enjoy, what you wanted to achieve, what to create, what to try - a new or forgotten hobby, meeting with friends, traveling. And bring this into your life. And, of course, it is important to work with a psychologist in order to live the breakup normally, without blocking your.