If you have made the difficult decision to divorce, you are probably faced with stress and a lot of difficult emotions. Their pressure can be so significant that when discussing many issues it makes it difficult to concentrate. In addition, situations of “ugly” divorces are not uncommon: with hysterics, revenge, turning children against their ex-spouse. A marriage can break up for many reasons, and there is not always guilty. Perhaps the request with which the couple came into the relationship has changed. One way or another, you should remember that you were once connected by something, and both of you are experiencing it to one degree or another. This is especially true for husbands: men, in principle, are more inclined to experience grief and sadness quietly, and it is wrong to blame them for insensitivity. If you still have feelings for your spouse, in the initial stages of the divorce you can discuss this and make an attempt to save the relationship. Analyze how important this relationship is to you. Most problems can be solved together. However, if there is a good reason (regular infidelity, pathological bad habits, physical violence) and the understanding that the situation is in a cycle, defending your decision is necessary. Think in terms of the consequences of your choices. Don't try to do something out of spite or with the goal of causing more pain. As a rule, no one needs a scandal. No matter how hard it may be for you, the very departure of this person from your life opens up space for something different, new and perhaps better. Children should be explained in calm tones that divorce is not a death sentence, and both parents will remain his mom and dad . And they will still love him as much as before. That the child has nothing to do with the divorce is the business of the spouses. Try to explain that the husband and wife are no more, but DAD and MOM will remain forever! Scandals and pitting children against each other primarily harm the child himself. Remember this. When dividing property and solving many other issues, try to keep your head reasonable. Look at your ex-partner neutrally, as if you were an outsider. Write down important points on a piece of paper - this will help you not get confused. In a conflict, it is better to maintain a calm position until the last moment: emotions are contagious, and if one of the interlocutors behaves confidently and neutrally, the other will probably also support this tactic over time. Be prepared for compromises and mutual concessions, but do not ignore your interests. If emotions overwhelm you, you can during meetings, seek the services of a psychologist or mediator. Repressed emotions should also not be kept: allow yourself to grieve in private, release stress through physical activity, or share with family or friends. The difficult period will one day end, but it is easier and faster to overcome it not alone.© Kardashov Alexander, 2023. Psychologist, Perinatal psychologist, AcmeologistConsultation +79180212008 My website and my blog