Good day. It so happened that we talk about topics that are not included in the circle of our daily worries and experiences, but, nevertheless, deserve attention. Today I propose to reflect on the topic of finitude. Man is the only creature who realizes that he is mortal, and the child begins to ask the first questions about death in preschool age. Rarely does this happen spontaneously, more often there is a very specific reason for this - a collision with the fact that someone close to you or, for example, a beloved pet is leaving. It is unlikely that the ideas of irreversibility and eternity, which we, adults, associate with the theme of death, fit into a child’s mind, but the feelings are quite real. The child is also anxious, bored, sad and grieving. Adults are often afraid to touch on such difficult topics. They are lost and do not know how to correctly explain to the child what is happening and how to treat it. And, by the way, in our future adult lives we try in the same way to protect ourselves from such thoughts and experiences, and the topic of finitude resonates in us with some kind of insurmountable unconscious fear. In my mother’s notebook there are interesting lines about three-year-old me: “I realized that there is death. I cried for a long time." I remember them and try to imagine how I felt then, and what words could be my consolation. How would I talk about this with my child? First of all, I would explain that death happens to everyone at one time, but no one knows exactly when it will happen. I would tell you that it is impossible to bring back someone who has died, and this is very sad, but you can remember him, love him and be glad that he was there. A child may ask different questions: why do people die? And when will I die? And when will you die? It is important that parents can answer them calmly. Why? This is how it should be, this is the law of life. And there are different reasons - old age, illness, accidents. When? Nobody knows this, but usually this happens in old age, so it’s not very soon. Even if there are a lot of questions, continue to answer them, because if the child sees that the parents are not afraid to talk about it and remain with him in his experiences, he himself learns to treat death correctly, to perceive it without irrepressible anxiety and with due respect. The key is to stay with the child in his experiences. This means noticing and helping the child express them, starting even with simply noting what is happening to him. To do this, we need to be quite sensitive to our own emotions, because if we do not allow ourselves to be angry or afraid, sad or ashamed, then we will not be able to accept this in a child either. The next stage of building a relationship with death occurs in adolescence. It is during this period that we think about our place in this world, including what this world will be like without us. It is not for nothing that various kinds of horror stories and all kinds of experiments on the edge are so popular in early adolescence. There is a lot of talk now about the epidemic of teenage suicides. Smart men and women talk about who is to blame. But for me, this is what’s happening: the child remains unheard and misunderstood. He gains the experience of deep attachments and faces losses, achievements are demanded from him, but support and attention are often not enough. It turns out that such a person is forced to cope with everything alone, and does it as best he can. He tries to live in accordance with the laws of the adult world. But if there is no one who can explain these laws and give such a reserve of acceptance and love that you will remain confident inside that there will be many difficulties in life, but you have enough strength to cope with them, then leaving their life may be the only available solution . It must be said that most often this final step is just a perverted form with which the teenager tries to cope with his pain and get the attention and love that he so needs. A teenager rarely realizes the seriousness and irreversibility of this act. He is notperceives death as a point of no return. For him, it is a step that will change everything for the better. Relationships with death can be reconsidered at any stage of life. The reason can be any critical life event. At a young age, you are afraid of not being able to do something. In the middle of your life, you worry about what you have already achieved, whether it was right, and most importantly, whether there will be many chances to change something. As you approach old age, you regret what is gone forever. Interestingly, the fear of death can have different forms and shades. Someone is afraid of the pain that accompanies the dying process itself. Some people are afraid of the unknown on the other side of the border. That is why almost all religious concepts are based on the postulate of the immortality of the soul and pay so much attention to the description of what awaits a person at the end of his earthly journey. Some people are sad that they will disappear without leaving a trace, without having accomplished anything worthy and significant in their lives. In fact, the more a person lives a life that is not his own, the more afraid he is of his own departure. The theme of death is inevitably connected with the theme of loss, bereavement, and grief. Each of us can remember a decent number of similar events in our experience. Normally, this experience goes through a number of specific stages. It all starts with the first shock reaction. People often say about this state: “everything seems to be not with me,” “this is some stupid other reality.” After this, as a rule, there is a wave of emotions about the injustice of what happened. Anger can take different forms: at yourself (I didn’t save you), at the person who left you (how could you do this to me), at the world (this shouldn’t have happened). Then comes the bidding stage, when there is hope that things can still be fixed. “What if if I now do the right thing, he will come back?” It is often said at this stage that there is a feeling that the departed person is about to reappear in his usual place. Then the final realization of reality occurs and a wave of pain and despair covers. This is the stage of depression. And it all ends with the stage of acceptance and the final transition of the deceased from the “is” state, from a bright and current presence in our lives, to the “was” state, into our memories. We are learning to build our new world without him. By the way, generally accepted cultural rituals greatly help with this. They dictate the canons of behavior and help to properly say goodbye to the departed. For example, the same mourners could greatly help with their lamentations those who find it difficult to express their sadness. The ease with which they do this forces others to not restrain their emotions. It also happens that the experience of grief takes other distorted forms. The most common of them is when the loss is never accepted and the grief becomes chronic. It’s as if we don’t want to completely let go of our loss and leave it in the past. Sometimes it happens the other way around, a person claims that he does not feel any heavy emotions at all, the state is completely sane. But something in his behavior suggests that not everything is so simple. Here we can talk about suppressed or delayed grief. And finally, if the experience of loss was repeated and quite painful, then anticipatory grief may be detected, when we seem to be waiting for future blows and grieve greatly in advance. In fact, loss forces us to rebuild the entire semantic picture of the world. This is not just the loss of an individual person or an individual relationship, but also an opportunity to feel more deeply about one’s own life, to realize one’s principles and values. From the experience of my own losses, I learned a lot about what real pain, true love and friendship, family ties and other important things are. For example, I came home from the last funeral in a rather interesting state. Everything seemed so small and unimportant compared to the solemnity and importance of the event that took place, and at the same time, the depth, fleetingness and fullness of each moment was felt. It’s as if you are looking at your life from a very great height from which you see.