How to restore self-esteemWhat is normal self-esteem? I received this request for an article. Let's start with the concept of self-esteem. This is, in fact, self-worth. My value to me. That's all. Simple and clear. Not for others. For me personally. I value myself. Normal self-esteem is the value of oneself within normal limits. Without comparing with others. Without using others. Regardless of others. I just like myself. Both good and not so good. And I have, accordingly, a measure of my value, relative to the formed personal values. And here these are my internal values, of course, in direct dependence on the values ​​of society. Such a person respects the Laws and they are clear to him. He knows how to build harmonious equal relationships with family, friends, colleagues and family. Conscience, of course, has significance. Otherwise, inflated self-esteem looks like it is not a normal, super value when an individual “spits” on the prohibitions and morals of other people limited by the laws of the state. Here we are talking about the fact that there are no values ​​at all. None. There is only fear for your safety, fear of death, fear of being punished. Therefore, such a person, of course, does not comply with the laws and norms of society if he is sure that he will avoid punishment. He is not familiar with the concept of Conscience. At all. Because his family showed him deep contempt for it. The formula is simple: use others for yourself as a useful function. In adulthood, such a person usually becomes a psychopathic narcissist-manipulator. He is looking for a partner Victim-servant-slave-investor-source..... He always builds relationships from a position from above. It is always the critical Parent. The exception is communication with a stronger-powerful-rich-significant partner, a paranoid or epileptoid psychopath, where the narcissistic psychopath is in the role of a naughty Child (from below). With low self-esteem, the self of the individual is so insignificant for himself that he is not able to express himself freely, terribly afraid of the judgment of others. The personal needs of such a person are incomprehensible to him, forgotten, repressed. He lives to serve others, to be comfortable and approved by them, even to the detriment of himself. There is also no reliance on internal values. They are not sustainable. But such a person respects the laws and morals of society. Conscience is confused with guilt. If I am guilty, then I have a conscience. This is how his family taught him. He is always a Victim and a Child. From this diagram it becomes clear that a person with normal self-esteem will not build close, trusting relationships with people who are not equal to themselves: people with abnormal self-worth. Accordingly, the Victim looks for the Tormentor and the Tormentor finds his Victim. So they act out children's scenarios, so that the Victim can grow into a valuable Adult and leave. Her tormentor then finds the next Victim. After all, a Psychopath cannot exist without a sacrificial resource. Or the Victim becomes completely without resources (gets sick, goes crazy, dies). And then the Manipulator gets rid of her himself. Which of you wants to be a Victim? I dare to suggest that there are only a few of these. And this must be a conscious choice in order to resolve their destructive patterns of behavior. Then such a person should be in the position of an Observer with the manipulator. And already at the exit from such a relationship, thank your partner for the acquired experience of growing up. Then move on with life, without him. After all, we remember that Psychopaths do not change. Never. The exception is cases of healing love, if the psychopath does not want to lose his beloved partner and will be forced to behave like an adult. Provided that his partner himself is in an adult position and puts his needs first. That is, it will finally become valuable in itself. And his Tormentor HIMSELF will want and then will be able to see the correct model of behavior. At the same time, he will still not know anything about conscience. But he will remember that one cannot act unscrupulously. He will know this only thanks to his ingenuity, incredible ..