Author: Vitaly Pichugin Source: http://www.nlplife.ru/ We are always assessed. For example, at school they scare you with grades of two, but they make you happy with grades of five. Adults are valued by money, status, opinion, sometimes this is also pleasing, sometimes not. Estimates are believed. Especially if they come from significant and respected people. Often, a chorus of assessments sounds convincing when many different people say the same thing, well, how can you not believe it. Grades set boundaries. If it is said that a child will dance like a bull in a china shop, then he will not be a dancer. For example, a choir of teachers can easily create a frame of misunderstanding of mathematics for any student, who will be marked with a cross: “not good at mathematics and hopeless.” Here you can substitute any subject - physics, chemistry, literature. Children creatively begin to use the framework established by grades, and they tell their parents: don’t bother me with physics, I don’t understand it and don’t like it, which means I won’t teach it. The teacher must be trusted, he said - the student is hopeless - so be it. And then, based on the assessments that have become limiting frameworks, the person makes a choice: what he can do, what he will do, what he definitely won’t be able to do. There are people who act contrary to all opinions, all authorities, all restrictions. Fyodor Chaliapin was not accepted as a singer in the choir; they said that he was not a singer. Vladimir Nabokov, when he was a student, was publicly criticized by the teacher V. Gippius, who did not find V. Nabokov’s vocation as a writer. One publishing house fired the young Walt Disney for his "prominent inability to draw and lack of imagination." Albert Einstein had problems with physics at school; the teacher’s verdict was: “nothing good will come of such mediocrity.” The teacher at the school gave a verdict to L. Beethoven - hopeless. And there are many such examples. And some people considered great people hopeless. But they became great because they acted contrary to the framework established by them, without listening to authoritative opinions and assessments. On the other hand, it is worth listening to assessments and opinions. Sometimes it helps to make an informed decision, especially when you don’t have your own experience, to consider the issue from different angles, and just get information. But the final decision should always remain with the person himself. Which assessment can you trust? The short answer is none. Have you been praised? Wonderful, I want to believe good things. Have you been criticized? Maybe it’s rude and unjustified, bad. This is simply impossible to believe! If you follow the emotional reaction “I believe it or not,” then you may not hear something rational and useful in criticism, and you may become unreasonably proud of yourself when you hear flattering praise. Estimates should not be tested by faith. With what? There may be several options. 1. Your personal experience and beliefs. This is not a guarantee of the truth of checking other people's judgments, but it is an option. It's good to trust yourself. What if you don’t have enough experience in any matter? 2. Then you can find a group of people who are competent in a certain area of ​​knowledge. My mother regularly told a girl I knew with concern: “You look bad, you have low hemoglobin.” Why argue with mom? Yes, and sometimes it’s useful to get checked. I went and donated blood, everything was fine, after my mother’s next regret I could show her a certificate saying she was healthy. Based on common sense, many people do this. If you don’t know what to do, go to a psychologist, lawyer, doctor, or other experienced and qualified person. Gather different opinions of competent people, then make your decision. 3. If you have determined for yourself what the main thing in your life is, which gives energy and meaning, then this can be a good criterion for developing your attitude towards the opinions of other people. You know what you are striving for, you are firmly confident in achieving your goal, and why do you care about all sorts of “you can’t”, “it won’t work”, “this is not yours”. Of course, adequacy is important; if the goal is to run away and confidently jump into the abyss, then it is better to listen to the voice of reason from the outside. 4. Appeal to intuition and feelings. They say it works well for.