Love is the ability to find your own happiness in the happiness of another...Often after the decision to start a family has already been made, questions, doubts, fears arise... Today we want to publish the most frequently asked questions and comments from a psychologist. Our questions are answered by a psychologist and personal growth coach - Lidia Kiryushina. Question: How to understand is love or just a hobby? Answer: What is love? - this question remains open to this day, there are many hypotheses, explanations, assumptions, but, of course, there is no formula. And, perhaps, it is not necessary. Everyone will have their own definition. But there are basic signs and conditions noted in ancient times: “The attraction of the mind gives rise to friendship, the attraction of the heart gives rise to respect, the attraction of the body gives birth to passion. All three attractions give birth to Love.” Usually it is difficult to distinguish infatuation from love; at the very beginning the feeling can be very bright, euphoric - it is an attraction of bodies, many at this moment decide to start a family. But to create a family, all three attractions are important. When you realize that you are not only pleased to be physically nearby, but also pleasant and interesting to talk to, when you feel that a person respects you and appreciates your feelings - this is already very similar to love... Question: What to do to never swear? Answer : Forget that there are families in which they do not swear. Only people who are completely indifferent to each other do not swear. Another question is how to swear so as not to offend a person - a loved one. The first is to criticize only actions, not the person himself. For example, if your wife over-salted the soup, you didn’t love her any less. Here you can say: Darling, you seem to have fallen in love again, usually you cook just flawlessly, but today you’re like a girl in love. A sense of humor is not for nothing considered an indicator of intelligence - it always comes to the rescue. And if the situation is more serious - anything can happen in life, when there is no time for humor, still try to criticize the behavior, and not the loved one, try to share your experiences, not accusations. For example: Dear, I was so worried while I was waiting for you from work, next time you are late, please warn me. And always greet your loved ones with joy, your loved one should see and feel that they are waiting for him, they are welcome... Useful tips: 1. Promise each other on your wedding day to always sleep under the same blanket, no matter what happens. No matter how you quarrel! – this saved many families...2. Always solve problems with just the two of you – talk!!! In 90% of cases this helps to find a way out of any situation. Silently, you will not solve anything.3. Try to do without the help of your parents. Start building a family on your own; territorial and financial independence are very important. As long as your parents are paying for your life, they will interfere and say what is best - whether you like it or not. “He who pays calls the tune.”4. A mother-in-law or mother-in-law never has any influence on your family; they interfere in your affairs exactly as much as you allow. Solve your problems yourself. 5. And, remember that people communicate only 10% with words - the rest of the information is transmitted using HOW you speak. If you don’t feel love inside, you won’t be able to convey this feeling with just the word “I love” - no one will believe you... Question: How to make a marriage happy not for 2-3 years, but for the rest of your life? How to maintain the state of love for a long time? So that the relationship does not become ordinary, but is the same as in the beginning? What should you do to prevent everyday life from killing your feelings? Answer: First, forget that the period of falling in love lasts 2-3 years - this is nonsense! Falling in love can last forever, then weakening, then flaring up again. Choose to believe this. It is important to remember that our life is what we believe in!!! It's important to keep the fire going; you don't expect the fire to continue to burn even if you've stopped adding wood. A prerequisite is to throw firewood»