Generational trauma is a multi-layered process in which consciousness, the unconscious, and the most basic instincts of the human being are involved. But if we simplify and do not go into details that are still being studied (for example, genetic memory and the system of supermirror neurons), then this process is schematically looks something like this: A traumatic event in the life of a parent - the inability to live through it - freezing or joining the aggressor - emotional unavailability for the child and coldness - developmental trauma in the child - the child, in search of love, joins any feelings of the parent and merges with his ideas about the world - adoption way to respond to traumatic events in your own life. There are two ways to survive a traumatic event - process the trauma, live through the feelings that arise, or, if this is not possible, petrify. For the generation of our great-grandfathers, the main institution that helped to digest traumatic events was the church and Faith. And ours grandfathers and parents lived during that period of time when the church was destroyed, and psychological counseling had not yet appeared. At the same time, most families were traumatized by the events of the Second World War, that is, it was impossible to find sincere emotional support among friends and acquaintances. People could only freeze to focus on survival - making money, providing children with education and a roof over their heads. An internally frozen parent, one who constantly holds back a huge number of feelings - anger, pain, horror, hatred, disappointment, etc., cannot be emotionally available to a child There is no room left inside him for joy, tenderness, bliss. All efforts are spent on containing the negativity, which, however, sometimes (and for some often) breaks out. In order to survive in all this and not face the fullness of mental pain, which can be unbearable and, jokes aside, drive you crazy, a person develops a so-called surviving part of his personality. She always looks for and finds excuses for negative situations, often joins the aggressor (a stronger figure), and also creates some systemic messages that are internally aimed at helping her descendants survive: “Being rich is not necessary and even dangerous” (the period of dispossession and repression); “I survived and you will survive” (usually about the 90s); 'why do you need this McDonald's, you'll be healthier', 'we're saving innocent people'. All this is the protection of the surviving parts. When a parent is in constant tension and holding back his own pain, he does not have the strength to rejoice at the child, to give him full attention and love. As a result, the child begins to think that this is connected with him. Thoughts appear: “They don’t love me,” “It would be better if I didn’t exist,” etc. The survival strategy in this case is to join the parent’s position on any issues. There is an inner confidence that if he corresponds to the values ​​of the parent, his hopes and ideas, he will receive more love, and this should help him survive. In ordinary life, it looks something like: “yes, wealth is evil, we’ll make do with little, we’ll survive!” Look, I am just like you, please love me.’ As a result, even an adult does not have the resources to independently analyze the situation, look for a way out, ways to change reality or adapt to it. It’s easier to just agree with your elders and with that , how they were taught to react. For example: Your great-grandmother lived during the Second World War, she did not have the opportunity to do something with all the feelings that arose and somehow integrate them, she was focused on her and her children’s survival. In the emotional sphere, her strength was only enough to convey the messages: “poor thing, but we are alive, the government is right, we are peaceful people” and the like. We are seeing the result of these messages, passed on from generation to generation, today. How to understand , that today you find yourself in the scenario of your ancestors? There is a feeling of fog in your head, unpleasant bodily sensations, confidence that in just another week everything will be fine,!