All problems have a solution, and in continuing the conversation about the psychology of excess weight, I remembered a story from the life of one of my patients, which I want to tell you, of course with her permission, changing the name and some facts. “Tell me my difficult story, I think it will help many women look at their problems differently, deeper, and that it is better, more comfortable and faster to do this with the help of a competent specialist. After all, from the outside you can see better.” I still remember this April day when a woman who looked to be about 40 came into my office, slumping heavily into my favorite therapy chair. The window was open and the sounds of the street were heard, but they did not drown out the patient’s heavy breathing. It was clear that she was about to cry. It flashed through my head: “It’s so good that the day before I stocked up on a pile of paper handkerchiefs...” - I have an appointment at 14.00. My name is Alla Yuryevna, better just Alla. The words were interspersed with sobs and even long pauses. 10 minutes passed before she completely calmed down and was able to tell her story. “In my youth, I was very slim, as people say “thin and ringing,” this continued until... let me remember, until I was 23 years old, until I got married. Then pregnancy and all that, I didn’t pay attention to myself, as if I had forgotten about myself completely. You know, taking care of the family: feeding him, doing the laundry and cleaning, and in general. Interests began to revolve only around others, but I used to be a creative person, a journalist, I even thought about writing a book. My teachers predicted a brilliant future for me. One well-known producer in our circles hovered around, anticipating that my work would help him make good money. Of course, this happened in one large city. I listened carefully and looked at her. Upon closer examination, Alla’s face was haggard, tired and haggard, but she was clearly not 40, and maybe even 30!!! The thought flashed: “Excess weight, in addition to other troubles, also adds years.” Her open and sad eyes really reflected intelligence, but there was something else.... “One can assume that there are problems with self-esteem, and some part of it has remained childish, infantile, in other words, does not want to grow up, even being married and having a child.” - So... And then love, we met here at a party, then I thought why I hadn’t met him before. Grisha is such a respectable, positive, all-around first guy. Well, in general, I dissolved in this feeling, as if everything was happening in a dream. Marriage, immediately pregnancy. My husband insisted that I give up thoughts about the book and work in general. He is really very successful on the external plane, I didn’t have to think about my daily bread. What for? Grisha took care of everything. Further more, I thought that he loved me in any form, and when I gained 30 kg unnoticed, and this happened very quickly, I was not particularly worried. But it turns out he was silent all the time, that he felt disgusted and pretended. -Did your husband express his dissatisfaction with your appearance? -Only indirectly. Look at your past photos, or skinny people are in fashion in Paris these days, or your sister looks great, maybe you should take care of yourself. But I waved it off, and.....and so good. And then....Tears flowed from Alya’s eyes again. I waited patiently. He gave me an ultimatum..... if there are no changes in 3 months, I will leave the family. Having a mistress, he says, is disgusting to me, but I don’t want to look at my wife, who has already become like a cuttlefish, you’re only 29, and you can’t bend over to put on your shoes, you puff like a steam locomotive when you go up the stairs. What should I do? I tried a diet (several types, by the way), and pills, and tea for weight loss, and had a massage. Everything is temporary, I haven’t even budged. - Don’t you think that all these methods of passive weight loss? - How is that? - This is when a person wants to be attractive, but at the same time he doesn’t want to do anything. He thinks there is a magic pill. Once and done, andyou can eat whatever you want, continue your previous lifestyle, but at the same time become slim. She thought deeply, the movement of thought was visible on her face. - Yes, most likely this is so ..... what should I do? - How much is yours desire, based on a 10-point scale? - All 10. - Very good. Let's outline a plan of action. Firstly, the beginning of your slim life will be visiting the “Vector of Slimness” seminar. And an individual study of the reasons that led to such sad consequences is required. Keep yourself a “Success Diary” in which you will write down everything that you think is moving you towards self-love. You can start like this: I am a worthy person, because today I..." For example: I got a fashionable haircut, helped my grandmother on the street, read a smart book, etc. Is everything clear to you, Alla? - Of course, it is clear. Next was the presentation of the image (the usual course of a session using catathymic-imaginative therapy). She opened her eyes with a different expression, in them there was hope for me and, most importantly, that she will succeed. We set a date for the next meeting......And now a little over a year has passed, and this girl is unrecognizable - she lost 31 kg during this time. - Write, be sure to say that your relationship with your husband has improved, like a honeymoon, he looks at me with loving eyes. I have become more confident in myself, I am involved in running our business, and before I was only interested in the profit it brings. I attend psychological trainings, now I have a passion for them - I’m growing!!! Well, my dream is a book, it will be in the summer!!! I will definitely give you the first copy, my successes are your merit! She smiled provocatively, and her amazing eyes lit up with a soft feminine light. “Men idolize such women,” I thought. Yes, there is my merit, but her desire plus perseverance and following recommendations led to such an excellent result that it’s worth it. I’m always happy when my patients are doing well, because I feel useful, because this means my success too!!! When my son read this article, his first reaction was like: “Cool story, but it looks like a fairy tale.” This made me think, indeed, everything turns out too smoothly on paper, but please note, dear reader, that more than a year has passed between the beginning of the story and the present moment!!! Just think about it - this is a year of mutual hard work, this is so much desire, pressure and activity on Alla’s part that it could not lead to a different result. After all, if a person passionately wants something, then he will definitely achieve it and will not put it off until Monday or until the New Year. There is a wonderful Indian parable on this topic: “Go forward.” Once upon a time there lived a woodcutter who was in a very poor situation. He lived on insignificant sums of money earned from firewood, which he brought to the city on his own from the nearest forest. One day a sannyasin (a man of the Path who left everything worldly and devoted his life to the realization of God), passing along the road, saw him at work and advised he should go further into the forest, saying: “Go forward, go forward!” The woodcutter listened to the advice, went into the forest and walked forward until he reached the sandalwood tree. He was very pleased with this find, cut down the tree and, taking with him as many pieces of it as he could carry, sold them at the market for a good price. Then he began to wonder why the good sannyasin did not tell him that there was a sandalwood tree in the forest, but simply advised him to go forward. The next day, having reached the felled tree, he went further and found copper deposits. He took with him as much copper as he could carry and, selling it at the market, earned even more money. The next day he went even further and found silver placers. The next day he found gold, then diamonds and finally acquired enormous wealth. This is precisely the situation of a person who strives for true knowledge: if he does not stop in his movement after achieving some individual tasks, then, in the end, will find wealth