Call... Grandfather makes an appointment for a consultation with his grandson. What do you think is the problem? Of course you are right - he doesn’t listen, he’s hyperactive, aggressive, and he also has fears. The complete set. Usually I never take grandparents for a consultation, insisting on meeting with the parents. But I had to make an exception - the parents live in St. Petersburg, and the grandson is “visiting”. An interesting situation. Before me are adults who are successful in business and have raised equally successful children. But in front of their grandson they become small and helpless. From the interaction of the family, it immediately becomes clear “who’s the boss”! The grandson speaks very loudly, in a commanding voice, orders, insists on his own. Really doesn't sit still for more than a minute. But at the same time he follows my instructions, puts away toys and throws out trash. The grandmother constantly pulls the child back, encourages him to behave correctly, to sit beautifully (there are a lot of instructions and calls for correctness!). In the end, she still breaks down and screams at the child (“Shut up, I said!”). The conversation turned out to be long. At the same time, the grandfather said that he knew everything and assumed it, but it was necessary to confirm it with a specialist. What we identified? 1. Inconsistency of upbringing: A grandson arrives simultaneously in three inconsistent upbringing systems. Grandparents, wanting to make their daughter’s life easier, take the child for a month or two to “visit”, so they are forced to take the child to their parents during the day. (great-grandmother and great-grandfather!) In all systems there are no uniform rules, requirements and approaches to education. Some people allow it, others forbid it. physical punishment.2. Aggressive behavior of a child has two sides. On the one hand, he copies the behavior of others (although no one directly admitted it), but on the other hand, the child is angry with his grandparents that they are depriving him. parents! He doesn’t understand why he lives in another city, without his parents! During the consultation, the child’s mother called, but the grandmother quickly stopped the conversation and hung up. The child became very angry and began to tap the grandmother, insisting on talking.3. Night terrors. An emotionally sensitive child, filled with various experiences during the day, becomes vulnerable to various kinds of fears at night. In addition, those children who are higher in the family system in the hierarchy and are forced to control adults during the day quickly lose vital energy. Since “constant control” over adults requires a lot of effort and tension. And at night fears take the place of control, which again allows you to “tie” adults to yourself and thus control them. What to do? 1. Return the child to the parents. Become a Grandmother and Grandfather for the child, transferring the functions of education to the parents and loving the grandson with that real unconditional Love. Wanting to help their daughter, they began to take their grandson for a long stay. Firstly, in this way they remove responsibility for upbringing from a young family, disrupting the functioning of the family and its development. Secondly, the lack of uniform rules and requirements greatly harms the child. 2. Help your daughter in raising and correcting the existing difficulties of her grandson. (We agreed on a meeting in October and a Skype consultation). It is very important to restore the family hierarchy, returning the grandson to the place of a child, and the parents to an adult position. It is important to give him a sense of boundaries in the form of rules and requirements that will give the child a sense of security and safety. The child’s parents need to take responsibility for the child’s emotional and mental state and begin to act.3. Try to give your grandson what their parents cannot give them. The conversation is not about material wealth. Often grandparents follow their grandson’s lead, play him aggressive cartoons that he demands, give him a phone number and!