“I recently had a strong conflict with my husband. He was walking with his six-year-old daughter on the new playground. The daughter sat down on the swing, and before she had time to start rolling, the boys and their mothers came running and began to herd the girl away: “Well, give it to us, well, that’s enough.” And the husband joined them: “You’re not alone here, give it to them.” The girl ran away and began to cry. The degree of my resentment and anger at my husband went off scale. I couldn’t understand why you have to be good for strangers, obviously to the detriment of your child, in short, they quarreled.” There are several themes in this story: The theme of building children's trust in their parents. It is important for a child to believe that his parents are on his side. The topic of teaching children cultural skills. The topic of autonomy between parent and child, who may have different feelings and desires. And this is normal. The topic of relations between spouses. The desire of a parent to avoid the expected public condemnation and shame of a “ill-mannered” child is understandable. Shame is the most unbearable feeling, so the parent himself shames the child and sets the swing free. What the child has learned: that the physically strong wins in an argument, that strangers are more important for a parent, that you can’t trust dad, that following your desires is bad, What solution can be good enough in this situation? A six-year-old child has a resource for there may be no solution. Although you can try, for example, dad explains to the children: “My daughter decides when she should release the swing.” An adult can help by setting time limits, for example, each child swings for 3-5 minutes. Such a decision usually suits everyone, and serves as an example for a six-year-old child of how such disputes are resolved. What experience did the husband have after talking with his wife? That an emotionally charged person wins an argument, that a child is more important to a wife, that a child and a wife cannot be trusted, that following one’s feelings is bad. What solution can be good enough in this situation? The first reaction is most often spontaneous. And there’s nothing you can do about it. Find time to discuss the situation later, when things have calmed down. Reflection. Voice the unconscious feelings and desires of an adult: “It seems that you yourself were upset that you did not find a good solution.” Normalization. “No one taught us to be parents. Anyone can make mistakes.” Support. “I love you. Together we will find a solution for such situations. No one has to be a perfect parent, and mistakes are part of the parenting process. One important thing in relationships with children is admitting your mistakes and apologizing. This makes us closer to each other. This shows children what and how to say if they have offended another. Another example of a situation when a child needs the protection of a parent https://www.b17.ru/blog/4_moms12/