I will continue to write about codependency and the behavior characteristic of codependents. Today we will talk about conflicts. Frequent traits of a codependent are passive behavior, seeking approval from others, subservience, adapting to others and fear of rejection. All this leads to conflict avoidance. Such people believe that conflict is a negative phenomenon. After all, a conflict consists of disputes, defeats, humiliation and rejection, what is good and positive about it? In reality, you can find not only a negative side in a conflict. You could even say that conflict can help relationships develop in a positive direction. In addition, it is worth understanding that if the needs, desires and dreams of partners are not exactly the same, then conflicts are inevitable. And avoiding them will never solve the problem. If you are trying to escape the trap of codependency, and your behavior previously excluded the presence of conflicts or reduced them to the very minimum, then on the path to liberation you will inevitably encounter conflicts. When you are faced with a choice: Not to ask for what you want or to ask? (more about this in the article https://www.b17.ru/article/57743/) There are three ways to approach conflict: 1. Protection This method can help protect against offenses and prevent them. Using this method, it is important to meet the attack with equal strength. Thus, defense and attack of equal strength neutralize each other. Greater defense can aggravate the conflict and continue it. Lesser defense can provoke an additional attack and the position of the victim in this case is secured. It is important to understand that a derogatory and superior position can provoke a power game (more details in the article https://www.b17.ru/article/57597/ ). 2. Evasion Sometimes this method is the most reasonable and necessary. If during a conflict your partner is overly angry, aggressive and also experiences temporary clouding of consciousness. In this case, it’s time to use this case. It’s also worth using this method if a person often involves you in a conflict, and then he himself does not want to discuss it with you. 3. Discovery This method allows you to discover something new in your partner. During a conflict, you can see previously unknown sides of your partner and yourself. Using this method, you can stop blaming your partner for everything and take responsibility for your behavior. At the same time, you can become open and vulnerable and risk opening old wounds and experiences. When defenses are destroyed, the conflict can turn into cooperation and a place for intimacy appears. In this case, partners express their feelings, including unpleasant ones. When old wounds and experiences are opened, partners can provide support to each other. That's when intimacy emerges. Intimacy that includes anger, upset, sadness, and discomfort, not just romantic feelings. Discussing the latest conflict can help you use the opening method in your relationship with your partner. To do this, ask yourself the following questions: What did I want to achieve with this conflict? What did I get from him? Did I ask clearly for what I wanted? Could I ask for what I wanted in a way that my partner would enjoy doing? this for me? Were we able to discuss our differences? Could we clearly defend our positions? Did either of us offend the other? Did I learn anything new about my partner or myself in this conflict? Opened up Did I tell my partner something new about myself? What could I have done differently? Did we feel more close at the end? If possible, discuss these issues with your partner. In order not to treat conflicts as an incredible danger and learn to see the positive side in them, you can consult a psychotherapist. If you do not want to miss the replenishment of the selection of publications on the topic of codependency: https://www.b17.ru/selected/178/, subscribe: https://www.b17.ru/articles/nazarova_k/