Each of us has unpleasant experience of meeting conflicts. These could be quarrels with loved ones, rude reproaches at work, or altercations with random passers-by in line, in a store or at the doctor’s. In these situations, you and I often get lost, we don’t know how to behave or what to respond. As a result, after the end of the quarrel, we feel defeated, survived, and then we scroll through the situation in our heads for a long time, analyzing what happened in search of the right solution. Unfortunately, all this takes a lot of effort and does not solve the problem. Why does this happen? Let's figure it out. Wikipedia gives us the following definition of conflict as the most acute way of resolving contradictions in interests, goals, views that arise in the process of social interaction, which consists in the opposition of the participants in this interaction and is usually accompanied by negative emotions that go beyond the rules and norms. Pay attention to the words that conflict is associated with emotions going beyond rules and norms. This is precisely the reason why we get lost when faced with conflict, we are thrown out of balance, taken to a plane where the usual framework does not apply. Our boundaries are seriously violated, and we do not understand how to behave. Remember, if the dispute is civilized, then you understand that there are arguments, there are different positions and there is a balanced point of view. And if you find yourself in a conflict, then this territory is completely unfamiliar to you. We have figured out the cause of confusion, let's think about what can be done to save ourselves in conflict? I will give a list of several points with comments: 1. The enemy is driven by fear. It is important to understand that your opponent in a conflict is driven by fear. Any aggression is a manifestation of fear. A disgruntled grandmother who snaps at you in line is essentially afraid that she will not get to the doctor, or that you will decide to deceive her. Your boss, who yells at you because of some shortcomings, is afraid that he will not be able to control the situation and everything will fall down like a house of cards. Do you understand the principle? The reason is fear. 2. Do not escalate the conflict. Now remember how we usually react to aggression? Let's be rude in return, right? This is how the conflict escalates. Or we start making excuses, which doesn’t help matters either. What is the most effective thing you can do in a situation if a person is afraid of something (and if he screams, then he is afraid)? You can calm him down. How can this be done in a conflict situation with a boss, mother-in-law or a disgruntled passerby? You can listen silently, let them speak out, and then voice your arguments and opinion on the situation. 3. Not being rude in response is not a loss. After reading the second point, you will say that if we do this, we will turn the other cheek, that then the enemy will have the upper hand. I don't agree. It depends on what is considered the purpose of the conflict. If the goal is to humiliate in return, then this is one conversation. If your goal is to constructively get out of the conflict, then you should not respond to aggression with aggression. 4. You always have a choice. If you find yourself in a conflict situation, it is important to remember that you can always turn around and leave, or say that you are not ready to continue communicating in such a tone. It is important to understand that it is impossible to be drawn into a conflict; you can only be drawn into it of your own free will. 5. I am OK - you are OK. It is important not to put your opponent above yourself, no matter who he is, boss, wife, husband, teacher or anyone, and you cannot put your opponent below you, thereby you will suppress him. It is necessary to remain in a position of equals. Once you really feel your correct position, you will give yourself the right to behave in a conflict in the way that is most comfortable for you, or rather, to resolve it constructively. 6. Nothing personal. All the words and actions of your opponent have nothing to do with you. Everything he says speaks only about him and his difficulties, not about you. Of course, there are no universal patterns of behavior in conflicts, but if you adhere to