What to do if you are “sulking” all the time Are you familiar with the situation: one word wrong and such a person locks himself in silent resentment for several hours or even days? How to get rid of this trait that is actually destructive to relationships? How to learn to cope with such a person if he is nearby? Once offended, such people do not express their feelings, but go deeper into their experiences. Loved ones may try in vain to find out what happened. In fact, grievances of this kind are “replacement” feelings that arise when a person is afraid to show irritation or anger. In this case, the person, like a child, simply declares a boycott. Often such people, showing their resentment, try to manipulate others. As a rule, this behavior is consolidated at the age of 2-3 years, when the mother does not understand the reasons for the child’s disorder and every time demands to stop crying. The reason is that the mother does not try to understand the child, to explain that his disturbing feelings can be dealt with. Therefore, an adult who was raised this way will withdraw into himself, not trusting his feelings. Defense mechanism Silence and withdrawal into one’s feelings can be offensive or defensive in nature. Those who resort to this method as a defense are usually vulnerable and sensitive. Such people are easily offended, plunge deeply into their sadness, and try to hide their offense. By concealing it, they protect themselves from their fears - not being liked, entering into conflict, fear of life. Other people are offended demonstratively, the offense is offensive in nature: contempt, shrugging, expressive sighs, and so on. Such people remain silent in order to put others in an uncomfortable position, to make them doubt their vision of the situation, to subjugate them. They believe: “My parents did not give me warmth and love, you can make up for it,” and what a person is offended by, others should understand without words. Such expressive silence, if it is regular, becomes a risky game, since in an effort to achieve love in this way, you can get the opposite - lose your relationship with your loved one. As a rule, resentment is built on the following initial ideas: “if we are different, we will not achieve understanding,” “if I don’t like what this person does and says, then I don’t like this person”, “the cause of disorders is in people, not in our position in life” and so on. Ask yourself: how fair is your point of view? Maybe it's time to get rid of the dangerous habit of sulking? Maybe it’s easier to achieve understanding if we explain what we expect from people? How to cope If you adhere to the point of view that it is easier to sulk than to lose self-control, to show your anger, sadness, then act in 2 stages. Away from prying eyes, relieve tension: vent your feelings, punch a pillow, scream, run, etc. When the tension subsides, figure out what you don’t like, putting aside your emotions. You can treat your interlocutor as an ally, don’t play dumb with him, and share your experiences. You can say, “I know this is a stupid habit, just hug me when I start sulking.” Or say that you need to be alone with yourself for a while, then explain what’s going on. This way, those around you will learn to recognize your emotions and feelings. If such a person is near you, do not accept the rules of the game of a person who is trying to piss you off or blame you. Tell the person that you see his offense, invite him to speak out, asking questions directly. But do not return to the cause of dissatisfaction, this may fuel resentment and a desire to sulk further. Say you're waiting for an answer, but don't get angry or impatient. You can joke, but the main thing is not to make fun of the one who is offended. The person should feel that you want to make him laugh, and not laugh at him.