How is the birth of a son different from the birth of a daughter? How does the boy's mother feel? What kind of relationship is formed between mother and son and how does it differ from the relationship between mother and daughter? The mother bathes her son, feeds her, swaddles her, does everything the same as the girl’s mother. Then he buys toys and reads books. The books are still the same, but the toys are different. The mother of her daughter sees her continuation in her. She shows her daughter how to cook, iron and clean; she sees her as her assistant. What does the mother of her son see in her child? More precisely, who? Maybe she is projecting onto him her relationship with her father or her husband? If her daughter’s mother often acts the way her mother did with her, then her son’s mother should do something different. Because it's a boy. He's different. What does a boy need from his mother so that he does not hate her and is not afraid of her, does not ignore her and does not depend on her? The same as for all children: love, care, affection. But boys also need something more. Or some other love? Episodes from my psychological practice: Male, 52 years old, surveyor, works on a rotational basis. He calls his mother and can only talk to her when he is drunk. A colleague, a psychologist, about 30, cannot forgive his mother for slapping her on the head in her distant childhood. He is still offended and angry with her. A strong forty-year-old man, two meters tall. He formulates his problem as: “I’m afraid of my mother.” A young man in whom hatred of his mother reaches the desire to “kill and have all the walls covered in her blood.” For what? Because she didn’t love, or somehow didn’t love as much. Businessman, 55 years old, experiences almost any reproach from his mother to the point of heart attacks, is offended like a five-year-old boy. One supports his entire large family and at the same time asks his mother for permission to buy a new sofa for his room. All these men had “ordinary” families, normal mothers. They worked, fed them, clothed them, educated them, treated them for illnesses, and helped them learn their lessons. In general, they took care as best they could. What did these mothers do wrong? What unites all these men? What patterns are there? Everyone has authoritarian, domineering mothers. Somewhere I heard the phrase: “Strong men grow from weak women!” It is clear that children are not completely satisfied with their mothers. At first they love them selflessly and unconditionally, but then, as they grow up, they begin to notice their “imperfections” and “limitations.” And this is like being toppled from a pedestal. And sons cannot forgive their mothers for their... humanity. And, apparently, for boys this is a more traumatic story than for girls. A girl is more likely to start competing with her mother, but a boy needs an ideal. And he is no longer there. And this causes anger and resentment. And if he doesn’t have an ideal, then let no one have one!!! To kill, to destroy is a frantic, stormy feeling of desire, at least honestly. Another thing is resentment - unspoken, unfelt anger. How love turns into hatred. At what age does this metamorphosis occur? When does love turn into hate or resentment? Somehow it responds to the transitional age, when hormonal storms begin and the body becomes unfamiliar and there is complete discord in the soul, then you want tenderness and care, then independence and independence. And an ordinary mother, who may not be able to cope with the changes that have come in her son, retreats, slowly lets him go, watching from the side, ready to help at any moment. But an authoritarian woman cannot afford this. She must continue to control and guide her son. Only she knows how and what is best for her son. With her overprotectiveness, she fetters his independence. Another scenario is that a working mother, often a school teacher, simply does not find time for friendship with her growing son. But it is necessary to manage. And manipulation comes to the rescue. Feelings of guilt and inferiority are the best means to help keep your son in check without additional effort or time. You just need to say more often how useless and “incompetent” he is, and remind you more often how much she has done!