How to help with a “deadly diagnosis” (5 stages of grief) No matter how protracted and difficult the disease may be, a “death sentence” is always like an explosion or lightning strike .When faced with the grief of a loved one, one often experiences the same emotions that he experiences - mental pain, helplessness, confusion. The operation did not help or the doctors do not give up hope or there is only a long road ahead, woven from faith, what can be done? And you, a loved one, wanting to support, are in numbness and fear, which is literally tied hand and foot, forced to stay away. Knowing how to behave correctly and appropriately, your fear will decrease and you will be able to understand more about what is happening to him, you will be able to find words or simply be there, choosing tactics that correspond to the stage of perception of the disease. Of course, difficult periods may occur or be repeated, but, By correctly assessing the situation, it is easier to avoid common mistakes and, at least, not cause more harm. I bring to your attention the stages of attitude towards dying described by the American psychologist Elizabeth Kübler-Ross. Denial Essence: Reluctance to believe in the words of doctors, attempts to turn to other specialists, use non-traditional methods of treatment, complete ignorance of the disease, denial and reluctance to talk about this topic. What to do: At this stage, you should not violently convince the patient or argue with him. This will not give positive results. A person needs enough time to come to terms with the diagnosis he has heard. However, it is also impossible to support ideas that are sometimes inadequate to the circumstances, to play along and lie. In response to thoughts about medical error, you can remain silent or say that you respect every point of view, but do not have a medical education. Indignation and anger The essence: “Why did this happen to me? For what? Why do others...and me...?" Resentment towards the whole world, anger, irritability, and an acute sense of injustice appear. Because of it, conflicts and quarrels often arise. Or, on the contrary, guilt develops into auto-aggression, which can manifest itself in refusal of food or gluttony, refusal to take medications, etc. At this stage, thoughts about the purposelessness of life and suicide are common. What to do: At this stage, arm yourself with patience and remember that aggression is not directed at you, it is caused by illness, fear of death, powerlessness, physical pain. Try not to react to the harshness and rudeness of a sick person. In conversations, emphasize that he is not responsible for the fact that he has such a serious illness, maintaining his value on par with healthy people. Trading stage The essence: very often an agreement with God occurs when a person promises to do something and for “good behavior” asks to extend his life. Or he “clings” to events that should happen or things that need to be done. “I would like to live to see my son’s wedding, the birth of a grandson, etc.” Very often, such bargaining actually prolongs life. What to do: The presence of such bargaining often indicates a feeling of guilt towards an event or person (didn’t visit church enough, didn’t spend enough time with my son, etc.). If the communication is close enough, you can help reduce guilt by talking and try to dispel his irrational fears and desires to punish himself due to an exaggerated sense of guilt. Stage of depression Changes in figure, well-being, inability to lead a normal lifestyle, pain and much more increase fear and helplessness. Exhausted by melancholy, a person sums up the results of his passing life, which can occur in 2 forms of depression - reactive and preparatory. Reactive depression is characterized by severe social experiences, this may be the burden of responsibility for many people or the lack of hope that someone else will take care of them, feeling “not so” beautiful, necessary, active. This stage is characterized by grief over lost opportunities. The second type of depression.