Mechanisms of shame formation Healthy shame Healthy shame arises when an individual’s behavior does not correspond to his own values. It is an emotion that is necessary for the development of individuality and adaptation in society, since it regulates human behavior. It promotes self-knowledge, increases sensitivity to other people’s assessments (feedback), and develops the ability to assess the consequences of one’s actions. Moderate healthy shame allows an individual to be more attentive in his relationships with the world, regulating these relationships and motivation for achievement. An interesting concept of shame is put forward by the European psychologist Bertram Muller: “Shame is the interruption of identification with some new identity. It has to do with our self-image. This is our reflection in others. This is what I see in myself through the eyes of others. This is an important feeling when transitioning from an old identity to a new one.” For example, Bertram Muller asks a novice therapist to say out loud in front of other people that he is a Gestalt therapist. The seminar participant says this phrase and, answering the question “How does this make you feel?”, says that he is ashamed and feels like a deceiver. Müller comments on this: “This is how everyone feels for the first five years. Identity is initially artificial and filled with shame, especially if the individual expresses it outwardly. First, a person “inflates” his Personality, like an artist paints it. And then he sees how he can deal with it. True, some people forget to “blow it away” later. In other words, the awkwardness that a person experiences when mastering a new activity is a normal healthy reaction to the changes taking place. At such moments, it is important to surround yourself with the support of those in whose loving eyes you can reflect without feeling shame. This support will make it possible to move on, overcoming embarrassment, and not getting stuck in it. Chronic (toxic) shame It happens that a person finds himself in a situation of shame from the moment of birth. This happens when parents have an objective attitude towards the child and have a lot of expectations associated with him. The child does not fit into the parents' expectations. Constantly comparing himself with the beautiful image offered by his parents, and receiving a disappointed mother's look in response to any attempts to conform, such a person forms an unattainable image of the Self, which he constantly falls short of. “Impostor syndrome” is a typical product of such childhood rejection. Another situation where shame is formed in the family is a sharp (sometimes repeated) interruption of a child’s natural spontaneity by parental shaming or fear. Sometimes, from the first days of life, a child becomes a carrier not even of his own, but of the parental shame assigned to himself for his origin, skin color, etc. All this leads to the fact that already in adulthood a person feels inferior in comparison with others, but cannot explain what it is and where it came from. Toxic shame is unbearable, so it’s easier to focus it on something specific, for example, intellectual failure (“I’m too stupid”) or body imperfection (“I’m too fat/thin/ugly”). Placing shame in the body eliminates the need to find a way to satisfy a need. Often, chronic shame is the result of social influences. In our, to put it mildly, insufficiently tolerant society, everything that goes beyond the boundaries of the norm is condemned. In different languages ​​they shame with very similar formulations: “You should be ashamed,” i.e. the other knows exactly what I should be experiencing now and what I should be like. At the same time, the figure of the shamer himself disappears, is forgotten, disappears from the field of consciousness of the person experiencing shame. A person remains completely alone with his shame, and the figure of the shamer, firmly built-in and unconscious, has already become an inner voice.