“Where to meet? I don’t want to waste time on dating sites”, “Everyone who’s normal has been snatched up”, “no one likes me”, “The longest relationship is from 3 months to 1 year”, “All relationships follow the same scenario”, “I get attached, become obsessive and he leaves “,” “Everything seems to be going well, and then he (s) disappears / doesn’t go beyond sex” Who knows this? I often hear similar comments in consultations. But practice shows that as soon as our clients and I understand the psychological aspects, a partner appears quite soon. And the relationship with him becomes deep and trusting. What are these psychological aspects? For example, 1. Fear of relationships and fear of intimacy. A person may say: “I want a relationship.” And he will be sincere about it. But if you look at what happens in his actions, you can often notice that a person avoids relationships. Let’s say there are almost no places where you can meet a potential partner. And even if it happens, he doesn’t flirt. And sometimes he doesn’t even look around. And he looks more strict and cold than open to getting to know each other. Or, having met someone, he begins to avoid him. Or initially chooses married people. There are many examples. The bottom line is that his psyche unconsciously does a lot to avoid entering into a relationship. That is why there is little point in figuring out WHERE to meet a partner; it is important to first deal with the deeper question: “What am I doing to avoid entering into a relationship?” Yes, now the question may sound unpleasant and difficult for someone. Understand. But it can be the starting point to move forward in the matter of creating relationships.2. Searching for a relationship and partner in the image of your parents. For example, there was a rejecting, critical mother or father. And at home there was a rollercoaster between my parents - sometimes I love it, sometimes I hate it. A child, accustomed to living on high emotional (even negative) charges, grows up choosing similar partners. For him, pain, rejection, hatred and love are cobbled together. And now only such partners are attracted. They attract, excite, you want to conquer them, prove something to them, make them fall in love. But the predictable ones are not attractive; they are supposedly boring. It turns out: “I want reliable, calm,” but I fall for the opposite. People often say about such relationships: “It’s a pity to leave, and it’s hard to bear.”3. The image of the partner I want to be with has not been formed. When I don’t know what kind of partner I need, how I want to feel with him, what is important about him and what is not, why I need a relationship at all - then I feel like I’m wandering aimlessly through the forest . I go into a relationship that somehow started or where they chose me. Or I don’t go to them at all, because I don’t understand why I need a partner. Or I choose someone who is not suitable for me and waste time on it. Therefore, the first thing that is important to do is to clarify for yourself what kind of person you want to be with. A psychologist can help here in separating “yours” from “imposed” or “idealized” as in the next paragraph.4. The image of a partner is too idealized. When a child in childhood was not given enough love for who he is (and there are many such people), he was often criticized and he was always insufficient, then growing up he begins to look for an “ideal parent” in his partner. A person who will essentially cover parental functions and will be ideal at the same time. That is, he will feed, provide, look impeccable, always want sex, entertain, be together 24/7. With the same criticality that his parents treated him, he will treat his partner. There will be lists of unrealistic requirements, a constant search for the ideal person and “soul mate”, an aggressive desire to remake him if he does not meet these requirements, including external ones. Such a non-existent ideal that you can’t reach. Often, the search for an ideal partner goes hand in hand with point 1 - fear of intimacy. And if you see yourself in these points, then it’s too early to despair :) You can, believe me, you can disenchant yourself. My telegram channel is about).