When and for what reason does therapy end? Of course, I do not have a universal answer to this question. Each client, each therapy is unique. But I have observations that I want to organize, systematize, describing the options for reasons for ending therapy that I know about. I definitely do not include here the rare options in which the therapist decides to stop therapy. All the cases described are decisions (conscious or not) made by the client. As I already said, this article is based on my observations, my personal and professional experience. But I myself have not had cases when I made such decisions as a therapist. Also, this list does not include reasons not related to the psychology of the individual and the characteristics of the therapeutic process, namely: financial difficulties, moving to another city or country, sudden and dramatic events in the client’s life, death, etc. Some of them, in fact, as I have noticed more than once, can become more of a reason than a cause (I don’t mean death). For some, moving to another city becomes a significant factor in stopping therapy, but for others it does not. More often it is a matter of choice. Although, of course, this is not always the case. Sometimes, indeed, opportunities do not allow us to continue working. I like it when the client and I can be sincere in discussing these reasons. So. To begin with, I will divide all the psychological reasons for stopping therapy into 3 large categories - according to the time of occurrence. The first is the reasons leading to stopping in the early stages of therapy. The second is the reasons causing the interruption of therapy at a deeper level of work (the stage begins after approximately six months of work ).The third is completion, associated with achieving the desired results. I do not take into account the separation after the first meeting between the client and the therapist. The first is a consultation meeting. During it, an acquaintance occurs and either a decision is made (by both the client and the therapist) that this meeting remains the only one, or an oral contract is concluded for several consultations, or a discussion begins on the possibility of starting therapy. If I offer therapy, the client agrees and after 3 days (usually I suggest taking this time to “think”) confirms his desire, then the next meeting for us becomes the beginning of therapy. First category. The most common one. And this is natural and natural. A person who comes to a psychologist most often does not really understand what therapy is. Usually, there is no experience of such work at all, or there is, but it is short-lived, or with a psychologist of a different direction. And then mastering a new role, trying out a joint pen - this is a type of long-term fitting: suitable - not suitable. Even if the client has had experience in long-term therapy, and even if the psychologist has the same direction, this does not at all guarantee that with this particular therapist everything will work out at this stage. Each specialist is a unique personality. Therefore, with the same basic professional values, the way therapists work, behave and react will differ. And what the client got used to while working with the first therapist, he will not receive from the second. Even if, in fact, these are pleasant differences, the difference will still cause discomfort. Because the body and psyche have to rebuild relationships and turn on adaptation mechanisms. Sometimes the very fact that “You” is not “He” can cause protest. On the other hand, there are many expectations that were not fulfilled with that psychologist and are probably not fulfilled here either. And this is also not very pleasant. But let’s turn to those who came to therapy for the first time. It is exciting, unusual and, often, scary and alarming. Sometimes very much. And this is the first reason for stopping therapy. Indeed, when a person turns to a therapist for help, he has to do 2 things: 1. meet with the Other person very closely, alone; 2. meet with yourself. Either one or the other is often very difficult. Strong feelings and fear can be such that just sitting in the office becomesunbearable. I understand those clients who, unable to withstand this stress, stop attending meetings. The second reason is the discrepancy between expectations and reality. Even if the client says at the first meetings that he has no expectations about the therapy process, he does have them. Even if the psychologist repeats many times at the first meetings what he cannot give (for example, advice), and the client confirms that he understands this, disappointment cannot be avoided. Sooner or later (usually within the first few meetings or months) the client begins to feel (and this is key! not to understand, but to feel) that what he expected is not happening. And this is not about the result, but about the process. It does not become what the client wants. In this case, it is important to discuss expectations with a psychologist as early as possible and make them obvious to yourself and to the specialist. And meet the reality of the Other. That is, to hear whether the psychologist is able and ready to give you what you are waiting for. Sometimes it happens that I am ready. And then you can get what you want. And this becomes an important discovery in therapy. But sometimes - alas. Partially or completely alas. And this is the norm. We sometimes buy a product or a ready-made dish in a cafe or restaurant, and find that we didn’t like it. Or we order clothes on the Internet and when trying them on we find out that they are “not mine.” So it is here. Therapy cannot be suitable for everyone. This moment becomes decision time. Either the client experiences the feeling of disappointment together with the therapist and it becomes possible to discuss the next step: if he cannot give this, then what he can, and how it can be useful. Either anger, resentment, bitterness take precedence over cooperation, and the client leaves. I appreciate if at such moments of leaving a person can be, on the one hand, sincere, saying that he is not ready to continue working after this disappointment, and on the other on the other hand, remains able to maintain respectful social interactions during this - not being rude, paying for the meeting, not slamming the door, saying goodbye, etc. I find it difficult to cope with such breakups if the discrepancy between expectations and what I am willing to give has not been discussed. Of course, talking to someone for whom you have accumulated unpleasant feelings can be unpleasant, difficult, and even seem like there is no need. And also pay money for it. But believe me, this is important. Moreover, it is even more important for the client than for the therapist. It's about assimilation and completion of gestalts. I won’t write in detail here, because that’s not what the article is about. But the things are important - for the state and healthy functioning of a person. The third reason at the early stage of therapy is that the psychologist did or said something that was very unpleasant to the client. In the later stages of therapy there is more trust and the relationship is stronger, so discussion of such issues and further continuation of work is more likely. In the early stages, it may be easier for a client to leave a relationship with a person who can do or say “such things.” If this situation has happened to you and you still care about why you came to therapy, try talking to your therapist about what happened. It happens that such a conversation is the most important thing that can happen in therapy. And it’s probably hard to believe, but your ability to take a step forward in these moments may be related to the difficulty, the task with which you came to the psychologist. Of course, there are situations in which the continuation of the relationship is inappropriate: sexual harassment by a psychologist , physical attack, insults (I mean direct, with obscenities). But more often the therapeutic relationship ends due to unpleasant intonation, offensive emotional reaction, etc. This is something that is important and should be discussed with your therapist. In the next, second category (reasons causing interruption of therapy at a deeper level of work - after approximately six months of work) the same processes can, of course, occur as in the first stage. And the reasons for breaking the therapeutic relationship may be those that I have already mentioned. However, this, in my opinion, does not happen often.If a client decides to stop therapy after six months to a year of work, it is usually due to other reasons specific to this stage. I will continue the numbering. The fourth reason is disappointment from the lack of progress. At the same time, fatigue is already accumulating. After all, therapy is work, and hard work at that. And the primary motivation (hope for a result, with which the client usually starts work) is no longer very effective, and the secondary one (due to the feeling of positive changes) has not yet arrived. It happens that secondary motivation begins quite early, then it is easier for the client to survive this time. Although you may already feel tired. If it doesn’t exist yet (and this often happens), and a heap of weights has already been lifted from the depths of the psyche, then a feeling of meaninglessness and uselessness of the efforts and money expended may come over you. And at this stage many people leave. Especially if they do not share these experiences with a therapist. Reason five - the client looked deeper into himself, came into contact with what is stored in the unconscious, so to speak, “walked around the edge.” And he realized the depth, duration, and complexity of the work ahead. This is also a point of choice. The choice is as follows: “When I now see that the problems with which I came are connected with the deposits that I discovered in myself, is it really so important for me to remove those problems, and then decide to deal with these deposits? “Or do the deposits and the work associated with them scare me more?” At this moment, it is important not to rush, but to make a balanced choice. If a person decides to continue therapy, then his choice becomes the anchor that later helps to overcome the difficulties of working on himself. If he decides to stop, a balanced choice helps him take an important step in accepting himself for who he is. And the same problems with which he came, although they remain, do not cause as many strong unpleasant feelings as before. I remember all my clients who chose this direction. And I still have warmth and respect for them. The sixth reason is that the client got what he wanted. He solved the specific problem with which he asked for help. And even if he or his psychologist sees new tasks, new opportunities in personal development, the client decides to stop. He felt better. He's had enough. And that's great. The very fact that he consciously makes this choice and can say “no”, “not ready” is often the result of therapy. Therefore, when a client uses this skill, I am happy. Although the excitement inside me requires the continuation of the banquet" :) In the last, third category, I will probably highlight two reasons - seventh and eighth. The seventh is fatigue. Here it is different than at the 2nd stage. It is, rather, exhaustion. In this fatigue There is already an understanding that therapy works, it helps, in contrast to the fatigue of the 2nd stage. There is a greater acceptance of reality in general and oneself in particular. And a significant part of what the client actually came to therapy for was achieved. I put this option in the third category. But there are still other desires and an understanding (quite realistic, without rose-colored glasses) that a lot of work is still needed to achieve these desires. And there are already several years of work behind us, and there are no guarantees that it will work out. It’s very difficult to continue. It happens that a person who left at this stage of therapy returns after six months, a year or more. And sometimes the eighth one, the last one I want to name, ends the therapy because he felt it. that it is complete within him. He got everything he could out of her. And he accepted a reality in which not everything is possible. At this stage of completion, the client knows himself as much as he needs to deal with himself and his life as effectively as possible. Of course, the road to a therapist does not become closed for him. And, if desired, he can return for one-time meetings or a course of several meetings. When he feels that some piece of his reality requires more resources from him than he has. It is no longer difficult for him to apply for.