It is important to understand that your actions depend on who you want to refuse. If these are close people and they can easily cope on their own and at the same time acquire new skills, then you need to realize that with your “yes” to some extent you are harming them - replacing intentions from “they can’t cope without me” to “it’s my fault” They won't learn anything." Again. If the question arises in such a way that a person really cannot cope without your help, then it is better not to refuse, but to raise his self-esteem through a good deed. Because it happens that trouble-free people are people with low self-esteem. It is difficult for them to refuse, because they are limited by their own beliefs that they will stop communicating with them or stop loving them, or that a “good person” will not refuse. Healthy egoism is normal when you understand that saying “yes” will not embellish your life in any way, will not even bring you moral benefit (a dubious request will not even bring you self-confidence, but only the feeling that you have been used), and even less more material benefit (even a chocolate bar)... You must refuse manipulators (at the mere sight of this person you feel pressure that he needs something from you) decisively: listen to his “tragedy/need”, mutter something “yes, yes , serious matter”, allow you to speak more... and again... reduce the dialogue to the fact that you understand the importance, but now you don’t have an answer to the request, you don’t know how you can really help (there’s no time to do something ), inform him that you would be happy to hear how he dealt with it himself... and leave/hang up. “I need to run”... Literally run! With such people you need to step over yourself and even lie that you don’t know/can’t/don’t know how. For they will have you for a long time and with pleasure. It’s unlikely that the desire to appear qualified, smart and talented in front of everyone is worth it so that in the end everyone has you... If you need to refuse good friends or relatives, then remember the importance of your intentions: will the inability to cope without harm them in the present or future? you. Refusing a child to play with him after a hard day is to teach him to value the needs of a parent for his personal space/rest/desires, as well as to teach a child to value his own desires in the future. How to refuse old acquaintances who decided to take advantage of your status: “Hi, Vasily, I heard you became the boss, will you get my daughter a job with you?” and all that stuff from this series, like make a discount for old friendship... In such cases, you don’t need to give an answer right away. You need to pause: “I need to think. I can’t give you an answer right now.” Next, evaluate the importance of this help for yourself. Her benefit. You may eventually agree, but you will know that you wanted to, and not because you don’t know how to say “no.” Now think about why you are afraid to say no? This fear contains the following thoughts: “I’m important if everyone wants something from me” = I’m worth something... (low self-esteem regarding my skills and abilities) - do you have enough money, being so reliable? Think about it. You have to pay for professionalism. “If I refuse, they will stop communicating with me” (fear of remaining unrecognized, even losing friends and surroundings). True friends will always understand. I don’t need those who use me. “A good person will never refuse” (uncertainty in behavior, how to behave correctly in certain situations) - remember cases from the past when you accidentally refused and remained just as good Convince yourself, that a good person helps if he has the resources to do so (moral desire, material resources, time opportunities). What exactly does it mean to you to be good? - awareness of how best to achieve that internal feeling of goodness will help you see that you have a choice..."if I say no, I will hurt the feelings of the other" (belittlement of one's own worth) - you just need to think about how much the decision to say "yes" will cause at least you have neutral feelings inside. If it doesn’t, and everything shrinks inside, and the mind says that it’s impossible