How to influence a loved one - a son, husband, wife, brother - always with the goal of making him think, start doing something, change? Yes, it seems like “everyone is responsible for their own life,” but if this is the life of a close and dear person, then what to do, the soul is “torn into pieces”? Of course, psychologists usually do not take on such requests, but from this the need to at least somehow influence another not only does not go away, but can even increase if his behavior worsens and begins to bother him even more. There is a method of influencing others, and this not manipulation, when, while influencing, you hide your goal. This is an extremely honest and open type of behavior in which you cannot be suspected of deception or insincerity. This is a very simple and understandable and at the same time difficult to implement technique. It’s called “let the other person face the consequences of his actions.” Let’s see how it works in the following examples. The son is going to the country. The parents come up to the car and it starts: “Did you take this with you? What about a watering can, and drinking water, and wire for hoses, and nozzles for an irrigation hose? Forgot your attachments? Well, you see, it’s good that we came to you, otherwise we would have had to return.” Ah, but how useful it would be for him - to forget something and return home, wasting gasoline, time, and energy. Next time he would be more attentive, more responsible, more focused. But in this case, he does not have the opportunity to become more mature, because there are “caring” parents who will finish something for you and clean up mistakes and mistakes. At the same time, at an appointment with a psychologist, these same parents ask: “Well, help make your son collected”... Your husband raised his voice at you. You warned him that this is unacceptable for you and next time you will leave him. He raises his voice again (and maybe raises his hand). You cry into your pillow at night, but don’t leave him, and ask a psychologist: “How to influence your husband?” What if you try to let your husband feel the consequences of his behavior? You want to influence the child, but for some reason you are finishing a lot of things for him. For example, turn off the bathroom light behind him. On the way home (in the evening) you buy bread, knowing in advance that the child will not fulfill the duty assigned to him - he will not buy the bread. And this is instead of sitting the evening without bread, making it clear to the child that he is responsible for carrying out the instructions given to him. And since the light does not turn off, it means that your expenses on utilities increase, which means that at the same time the amount regularly allocated to him for pocket expenses decreases, which is logical - you need to pay for the light. The child does not dress for the weather. Let him not get dressed. Let him get sick. Only during illnesses there should be a strict regime (no computer, no more attentive attitude), otherwise it will be more profitable and interesting to be sick. My husband and son cannot get a job for a long time. They set deadlines. If you didn’t meet them, your allowance was cut (even for your husband, even for your child – there are parents who support their already grown children). It’s simple - you don’t work, you don’t get money (neither for cigarettes, nor for beer, much less for get-togethers with friends, nor for new clothes). Are you afraid that you will “die of hunger”? Don't give money anyway; it's better to buy food yourself. The simplest and most necessary are cereals, pasta, potatoes, bread. And if he wants to butter his bread, let him go to work, at least temporarily, until he finds his “dream job.” Are parents and children mindlessly taking out loans—behaving irresponsibly in the financial sector? I know children who pull their parents out of debt over and over again. I know parents who pay debts for their children (who don’t really work anywhere, but want to live well). Let them face creditors, debt collectors, let them be evicted from a larger apartment to a smaller one. Otherwise, most likely, you will continue to pay for them, complain (to friends, a psychologist), but pay anyway. If the consequences of my actions are uncomfortable for me, then I will do something about it. If I am protected from these consequences).