From the author: Read the articles here: Each of us has the Book of Life in our hands. Some people read only half of the book, some only the first few pages, and only a few read the book to the end. And many would like to turn the first pages and read further, but the book remains open at the very beginning. Each page has a picture. And we can read the book further only when the picture acquires integrity, when each puzzle takes its place, when we can see not individual fragments of the image, but the whole picture. The first pages of this book are our childhood. We can grow up, have a family and have children of our own, but the picture we still look at is the picture from the chapter “Childhood”. Over and over again we try to piece together this picture, but we just can’t find the missing pieces. The image of our childhood gapes with voids that we try to close with puzzles from another set: success, status, work, dependent relationships. And they, of course, don’t fit, they fall out of the picture. Then we regret that we received such a difficult puzzle and demand that some of its parts be replaced, or we despair and complain that it is impossible to assemble the picture, that some parts are lost. Or we want to quickly close this chapter so that we no longer think, remember, or see, but someone’s invisible hand opens the book again on the same page. The missing puzzles are love. Not parental love, but our own, for ourselves. A part of us, once rejected by our parents, cries out for love. But we don’t hear it, shame and guilt speak too loudly, fear is felt too strongly. Fear of being the way we were not accepted in childhood, of doing something for which we were so often shamed, of discovering something for which we felt guilty as a child. We continue to shame ourselves and scold ourselves for the fact that we may turn out to be “bad.” We continue our childhood. We ourselves continue to be our own parents - shaming, strict, rejecting, emotionally cold, unloving. This is a problem, but here lies the solution. If we can be our own parents, then why not become other parents? Why not stop shaming yourself and see the shameful side as a need for support? After all, what is shameful is not shown to anyone, it is kept to itself, protected. And what can you handle so carefully? Only with something very important, very valuable, very expensive. And very necessary. What we are ashamed of is our very important need, which was once rejected. So why not discover it now? Why not try to satisfy her? Why not stop blaming yourself for mistakes and learn to give yourself support? Why not start noticing when you are becoming a “rejecting” parent? Why not start loving yourself? Right now. Without love, it is impossible to step into “adulthood,” and even more so into “maturity.” Of course, it’s not easy there either, and it has its own “dark” spots and missing fragments. But these difficulties do not destroy us if we can accept ourselves, if we have the experience of self-love. It is difficult to collect the picture to the end, sometimes it seems that it is already impossible, but even an attempt to do this speaks of love. About your own love for yourself. Strength and love to you. Sincerely, Yulia Minakova.