From the author: An incredible story of parting with a mystical ending I am going through an extraordinary time - as a writer and as a woman. Since I became a student of the hereditary Chinese healer, Master Tao, my life has changed at cosmic speed, and I have become completely different. I recently re-read my literary archive to see if it’s time to return to old topics at a new level. It turned out that it was time! Five years ago, through an effort of will, I broke off a love relationship, which, as I now understand, was an example of codependency, that is, a completely unhealthy relationship of mutual pathological emotional dependence. On the day of separation, I made two decisions. The first is to break off all contact with your ex once and for all. The second is to start writing a book about how I experience the end of one stage of life and the beginning of another. Oh, if only someone had told me then that my confidence in the break would turn out to be illusory! Awareness is a very tricky state. At first it seems to you that you understand everything, you literally achieve enlightenment! For some time you remain in informational comfort, but after a while new information arrives, which leaves no stone unturned from the previous clarity of understanding. Soon you regain a clear vision of the situation, but each new level of knowledge adds caution. “In no small knowledge there is no small sorrow.” Ecclesiastes was right. It took five whole years to completely break the relationship!!! No, there have been no meetings since then, there were rare phone calls that I did not answer. The incredible discovery was that even in the absence of personal contact, an energetic connection remained. My former lover was carefully archived in my mind, the memories of him did not bother me, but Master Dao felt and even saw the consequences of an intimate relationship with this man in my body! The uterus, like a matrix, imprints information about sexual contact, and to break the energetic connection, it is sometimes not enough to blacklist the phone. Several years of working with a psychotherapist of the highest class turned out to be not enough... I don’t know why there are so many mystical events in my life. Maybe because I’m a writer, and space is happy to give me material for new books? The story of the breakup turned out to be so unusual that I decided to share my emotions with the readers. Perhaps my experience will be useful to someone. Therefore, first I will present in full an essay written five years ago, and then I will tell you what an incredible continuation of this story happened a few months ago. “I read a joke on the Internet: “Two friends meet: - I broke up with my lover. He hit me yesterday. “And what, he still hasn’t apologized?” “No, the ambulance took him away before he regained consciousness.” We managed without self-harm, and yet we broke up. “Love is a disease that quickly passes if lovers lie in bed for a long time.” I was “sick” for two years, and now it’s time to take care of my health – alone. My lover was the first to make this decision. To say that it was painful is to say nothing. It was as if I was torn into two parts - myself and the image of my loved one living in me. It was as if a part of me had been taken away or some vital organ had been removed. Something was hurting inside almost physically, but it was difficult to understand what exactly - either the whole body was permeated with suffering, or something out of body was inflamed to the point of incompatibility with life. One of my psychiatrist friends said that humor is the best way to overcome love illness. I decided to be ironic, re-read a lot of jokes about separation and read the recommendations of experts on how to competently survive this cataclysm. “In order for a loved one not to cheat, you need to break up with him in time.” My beloved probably decided so. Only he did everything wrong. Psychologists recommend making an informed decision and then not renouncing your alreadyspoken word. My friend tossed around for several months, leaving and returning. I rode the roller coaster to the point of nausea - “let’s meet” and “let’s break up.” You should never break off a relationship over the phone or cowardly write SMS, which saves you from the painful listening to women’s sobs. It’s worthy to remain a man until the end and find the right words. I would like to hear: “Liza, I am grateful to you for everything, but for both of us it is better to part, because... blah blah blah.” And it would also be nice to pat me on the head and lie that I was his best lover. Although I'm almost sure that was the case. And in general, I had to explain that all this was for my sake, so that a young oligarch in love would finally appear in my life, capable of sponsoring a collection of my future works. But here too there is a miscalculation. He yelled into the phone: “I don’t love you! Don’t call me anymore and I won’t call you!” My ears burned from the verbal eruptions of this Vesuvius. “To be faithful to a person you don’t love means to be unfaithful to yourself.” And yet, in the end, you should respect the feelings of a partner who has not yet stopped loving you. It is especially important, from the point of view of psychologists, not to promise your ex-lover to see you again and not to give reason to think that the decision can be changed. I asked my semi-macho boyfriend, “Is this your final wish?” He answered decisively: “How do I know? Maybe tomorrow everything will change.” “Love is the triumph of imagination over reason.” Only the absurdities and incidents of the breakup helped me understand that the hero of my love story was not a hero, but just a hormonally developed personality. The next day I didn’t answer six of his calls and two stupid SMS: “Don’t get on my nerves!” and “Pick up the phone!” We broke up. And this was already my decision. Now I had to scientifically, competently live through all the stages of separation. “Love helps kill time, and time helps kill love.” Researchers of the separation process claim that this complex phenomenon has 4 periods. The first three days a person experiences shock, he is either depressed and absorbed in the experience, or is too active. In this state, it is impossible to analyze the problem and do anything useful to resolve the situation. I threw myself into work, planned the day in such a way that there was no time to eat. In the mornings I cried in the bath, listening to heartbreaking songs about unrequited love, and at night I sobbed into my pillow, remembering the body I desired. After three days, the stress usually goes away a little, but waves of melancholy and despair continue to hit the shore of loneliness for a whole month. I wrote him sms and kept them unsent. Sometimes she mentally reprimanded him about everything that hurt him and, of course, cried. But less often and quieter. The next stage of separation is three months from the moment of the breakup. The storm subsides and the sky becomes clearer. I almost don’t remember what exactly happened on the day of our separation, but it doesn’t matter. His voice does not sound in my fevered mind. I don't care what position his new partner prefers to make love in. I imagine my ex-lover as a paper boat sailing into the distance along the river of my life. I really want to fall in love again. I believe in the wisdom of psychological science, which promises me that six months after separation my soul will completely calm down. Pain and anger. Grief because nothing will happen to this person again. Fear that such a mind-blowing feeling will never come again. Bright sadness and gratitude to the lost man for everything that happened. I have to go through all the stages of this path, experience the whole palette of feelings - and become happy again. Now I am absolutely convinced that parting with love is only a way to find a new, even brighter love. And every time my hand treacherously and weak-willedly reaches for the phone, tempting me with the desire to dial a remote combination of numbers by heart, I force myself to endure. Soon I will be loved again! “Nothing brings people together like separation.” Who knows,maybe someday we will meet on the street and just smile at each other. I recently found another funny phrase on the Internet: “If a girl leaves, she leaves forever, if a guy leaves, then sooner or later he will definitely return.” Well, we’ll wait and see!” Thus ended an essay written five years ago. What I saw, or rather, learned, years later, shocked me even more than the bloody separation itself. Two years after communicating with the Taoist mentor, I managed to completely free myself from pathogenic information associated with my former chosen one. I don’t want to scare readers and assure that all completed novels leave such a destructive mark not only on the soul, but also on the body. My case is not an ordinary one. But still, the likelihood that any woman could find herself in a similar situation is quite high. And it is extremely difficult to check how serious the consequences of your past love are. Therefore, when my colleagues, authors of women’s trainings, offer energy gap techniques or “matrix cleansing” techniques, I have a desire to make adjustments based on difficult personal experience. Unfortunately, not everything is so simple. So, drum roll... What captured my imagination as a writer so much? When Master Tao said that my body was free from the consequences of the negative influence of relationships, a friend of my former lover called and said that he was seriously and terminally ill, and that it would be good to just call and support the person who was once close. The first thought was that this was some kind of absurdity. The beloved was in good health and went in for sports. I suspected that this was a joke or an attempt to manipulate me, but both versions turned out to be incorrect. Never say “never.” No matter how much I promised myself to never again enter into any contact with this person, the proximity of death makes its own adjustments. Still, spiritual ethics is more important than the rules we have established. Since by that time everything was calm in my soul, I wrote an SMS to my former friend saying that I no longer felt pain, resentment, anger, or irritation. True, the old love has long since disappeared, but the absence of emotions is a sign of processed information, and this, from the point of view of Tao, is an excellent result. I sincerely wished him recovery from the bottom of my heart, because, again, from the point of view of Tao, oncology is no worse than a virus, but the cause of a terrible disease often turns out to be informational, that is, only indirectly related to the body, but directly related to the realm of the spirit . The ex replied that he was grateful to me for everything, both for the past and good wishes. That's it. It was a real, beautiful ending to the relationship. There was even love in him. Of course, not the feeling that a woman experiences for a single man, but the one that any spiritually healthy person experiences for any person. My soul was light and joyful. After a week, I felt a noticeable surge of energy. A new awareness arose - a new stage of my life began. This experience, barely noticeable at first, grows stronger day by day, and space brings new amazing news that reinforces the sensory experience. A few days ago a friend called. I calmly accepted the call. I was waiting for a familiar, weakening voice to utter some important words that are not thrown around when standing on the brink between life and death. She was internally firm, calm and ready for any information. But what I heard exceeded all my expectations: “Liza, hello! I’m not far from your house, I want to see you, come out!” There are stages of life's journey. There are realizations. There are decisions made. My decision to leave has been made once and for all. I got liberation at too high a price. I myself stood too close to the edge of life. But what happened makes me think about a lot. I don't want to limit the flight of your imagination. Each of you can make your own conclusions, and they will all be true - for you. I just want to end my story with my own version: a love affair is the greatest miracle and…