It is obvious that at the present time an era of transformation has begun for the ancient institution of marriage. And if we talk about traps, today it’s all about “freedom”. Marriage: freedom or bondage? The traditional family format still retains its leadership, but trial, seasonal, communal, open and all sorts of other unions are coming on its heels. Let’s focus on the first two. Let’s get married “Let’s get married” is seen as a family model traditional for our culture, but we should not forget that today it is already the “great-granddaughter” of the previous format. Previously, only one model was recognized: a complete extended family (several generations) with established roles . Only legal marriage could provide children and parents with rights and guarantees: mutual responsibility, care, guardianship, inheritance, etc. In modern society, you can more often find a family consisting of two generations - parents and children, and the function of a grandmother looking after her grandchildren is performed by a nanny . If there is no nanny, then all responsibilities fall on mom and dad. They need to earn money, raise children, and realize themselves in society. To save your marriage, you have to learn all the roles and learn to distribute responsibilities. Let's try. Today, the model of a trial or, as it is called, civil marriage has become especially widespread. The central idea is to try to live together: will it work? There is no stamp in the passport, people live and run a household in the same territory, but at the same time they consider themselves free (especially men). Children born in such a marriage also have a very “free” relationship with their parents - they have no guarantees and half as many rights. A favorite argument in favor of this type of relationship is that for true love, cliches are not needed. Or this opinion: you should live together for some time in order to get to know each other better and understand whether the game is worth the candle or not. No one will immediately say how long this will take. But the problem is that in family life “make-believe” (as in the period of early love) it is impossible to truly get to know your partner. The Trap Neither the model nor the duration of premarital (legalized) relationships have as global significance as it might seem initially. Many partners are quite able to hide their shortcomings for several years out of fear that their open manifestations may interfere with marriage. Only in a legal marriage are all the character traits of a person inevitably revealed. So it happens that such a “trial family” lives for five, or even ten years, then puts a stamp in the passport and breaks up. Freedom is replaced by responsibility and it’s as if oxygen is blocked: the perception of life becomes different. A small stamp, but what a load! It used to be easier: they say, I live with you as a free person, if I don’t like it, I’ll leave, and bribes are smooth, as people say. And now it’s for life! Insidious little things that we previously turned a blind eye to suddenly grow to enormous proportions. This is how a couple with experience of living together, after consolidating their relationship by legal marriage, begins to truly recognize themselves and their chosen one. Grinding in The success of “grinding in” depends on the objectivity of expectations from life in a new status and on the degree of frankness with which expectations are discussed. Starting their lives with love, many spouses then become confused, embittered and helpless. Love languishes. When they manage to learn to find compromises in moments of disagreement, to identify and solve their problems at the level of cooperation and acceptance of each other with all the real characteristics of their character, feelings are reborn. Nothing happens without mutual efforts and awareness of values. Love does not tolerate conditions (if you love me, you will do what I want...). Under the pressure of an ultimatum, it very soon turns into blackmail. In the process of “getting to know” each other in a marriage, the spouses discover how different they are. It's unavoidable. Initially, people begin to like each other because they are similar, but subsequently do not.