From the author: This case shows the beauty of our psyche. And what wonderful power a person has, how wisely the mechanisms of self-regulation and self-defense are designed. However, this is only the first part, where I “hang up my guns.” Tatyana (37 years old) participated in one of the therapeutic groups that I lead in St. Petersburg. It cannot be said that Tatyana somehow stood out from the other participants. But she showed up literally at the very beginning and suggested: let’s make a rule that hugs are allowed. It is worth emphasizing that the group adopted only two rules for this coin: “confidentiality” and “security”. Tatyana explained: what if someone wants to touch someone else. Let's make it possible. To be honest, this explanation didn't make it very clear to me. In my personal opinion, the rules still stipulate the universal boundaries and responsibilities of group members. According to the principle “what is not prohibited is permitted.” I had time to think a little about why such a rule, what need Tatyana would satisfy in this way. It would not have surprised me if the rule prohibited bodily contact. The beginning of the training, there is no trust, there is anxiety... everyone protects their boundaries in their own way. Participants may have attended body-oriented trainings and therefore, at first, it is quite logical to think about protecting bodily boundaries. But in this situation, the Client asks for permission to touch others... or reports the opportunity to touch himself. For what? A couple of clarifying questions did not clear up the situation... Me: Do you want to touch someone now, right now? Tatyana: No, I don’t want to. But such a situation may arise. Me: here I am coming to you and now I’m going to touch you... What do you feel? Tatyana: nothing special, interest... calm. I find it strange that you are so concerned about my proposal about touching. You just hurt me - nothing has changed... Me: This rule surprises me, it calls for touching each other, I don’t really understand why. Do you know what kind of touching this rule is about? Tatyana (laughs): nooo, I don’t know. Nothing special, really. Nothing erotic or aggressive, if that's what you're talking about. It’s just that suddenly, during the work of the group, someone wants to touch someone. Me: that is, you want to? Tatyana: well, yes, I want to touch someone. I don’t want to doubt “is it possible to take Vasya’s hand? What if he feels uncomfortable? I want to know that I can do this. Me: I admit, it hasn’t become much clearer to me, but what you say is quite logical. I have many hypotheses about why you need this permission to touch, but I don't think it's appropriate to test them all right now. Let's agree that if you use this rule in our work, we will return to this discussion... ok? Tatyana (smiles): ok. Although it’s not entirely clear to me why you gave it up. Well, okay, let's go back. The participants, after a little discussion, accepted the rule. Well, good, the rules are the responsibility of the group. This rule, like Chekhov’s gun, will definitely “fire” at the end of the performance. In the meantime, you can hang it on the wall. The training went on as usual, exercises, mini-lectures, small therapeutic work. And when it came time for an hour of individual therapeutic work within the group, Tatyana volunteered. And then a lot became clear... To be continued... NB: All photos are from my trainings, but from others - for confidentiality. More articles, reviews and less conspiracy on my website PS: Training in Volgograd coming soon