From the author: “When there are two codependents, Love is doubly lacking. And both are unhappy in grief, And in joy – like in prison...” “Two codependents in a relationship can really destroy each other. Imagine two people whose motto is to satisfy someone's needs, to please others. Now imagine these two when they both want to end the relationship. They will, as Ernie Larsen says, do terrible things. They will be close to destroying each other and themselves before one stops, stops saving and says, “I want to quit the game.” (Melody Beatty “Alcoholic in the Family, or Overcoming Codependency”, p. 48). What does a couple look like where both partners are codependent? I see it like this: At first glance, a strong connection, integrity. But as soon as one of the partners in such a codependent relationship moves, the other immediately begins to move. They are so painfully interconnected and even seem to have “sprouted into each other” that any body movement immediately causes inconvenience or pain to the other. In such a situation, it is very difficult not only to take care of others, but also to take care of oneself also seems unlikely. All of your partner's reactions seem exaggerated and painful. Like sharp needles they dug into each other, so that “together forever, forever.” The love of codependency is strong and all-encompassing, born for exploits (sometimes unnecessary to anyone and to the detriment of oneself) and inspiring the constant salvation of everyone and everything around, except, of course, oneself loved. Why are the hands clasped so interestingly? This is a very good question. Why was there a place (indentation) for each finger on the side of the other? These are the same “empty” places, painful gaps that have created a gap in the personality and, accordingly, in the life and environment of a person. How can it be? Psychological trauma from childhood, “dislike” by one of the parents (or both), rejection, rejection, grief, loss, etc. All that is negative and “stuck” in a person and has accumulated in him over the years are hidden grievances; anger that “cannot” be shown to anyone and taken out “indecently”; pain that was not expressed in time and desperate attempts to reach loved ones - to declare oneself, to “achieve” their love at any cost. Hence all these gaps and voids in the soul of a person, which, having matured, he secretly or openly, according to the laws of nature (Nothing should remain empty), tries to fill, compensate - with those means and methods that are available to him and that he knows how to do. And just like that two “half empty” SEARCHING little men meet and tightly, almost tightly, cling to each other. They recognize and feel each other on some intuitive, mental level and “tightly” cling to each other, beginning to fill their “voids.” They make excessive demands in everything: little love, little attention, little care. And everything will always be not enough (!) if you didn’t get enough in childhood. And all the feelings (no matter how many there are and no matter how beautiful they may seem) - EVERYTHING rolls into a bottomless barrel of codependency and is given over to be devoured by the insatiable EGO. This includes incredible control of each other, based on mistrust. Distrust of everyone and everything. It is difficult to trust someone without learning to trust YOURSELF first of all. Getting out of such a relationship is very difficult, and sometimes almost impossible. You know, like in one famous song: “Bound by one chain...”: Only by reaching the point of complete devastation, exhaustion of oneself, can one decide and, indeed, “leave this game.” This will require a lot of diligence and all the remaining strength (and, as a rule, by the end of the relationship there is no longer any left). Both are exhausted to the limit - by codependent “sick” love. Imagine that a third appears in such a couple - a child, for example, or several children? They, so defenseless and small, don’t even have anywhere to stay. So all that remains is to move away, to be “on the sidelines” (again without parental love, care, attention and affection). Otherwise, they will crush or break it or their dad and mom will/26623/