Your child, all covered in snot and tears, comes running home and begins to tell a terrible, heartbreaking story about how he was offended! Tears are rolling down like hail, the child is sobbing, clenching his fists, there is so much pain and grief in his words and eyes. He says that he is no longer friends with his best friend just yesterday! What a bad and traitor he is! Now everything and forever and ever! And he will also remove him from friends and even kill him on occasion! Despair and anger break through in every word... What is happening to you at this moment? Do you want to calm down the child? Do you want him to stop crying as soon as possible? Feeling helpless? Guilt for not being saved and not being there at the right time? Or maybe you join in the anger and resentment towards your friend. Or get angry at the child because, as usual, he is to blame for everything. I would like to quickly figure out who is right and who is wrong, so that these sobs will stop... The strong and vivid feelings of your child are difficult to withstand. Something responds and happens inside you, unbearable experiences arise... That’s why the “work” of a parent is difficult because you need to calm down not only your offspring, but, above all, yourself. Be able to withstand your anxieties and separate them from the child’s feelings, without panicking. Just like on an airplane, if the cabin depressurizes, you should first put an oxygen mask on yourself, and only then on your child. If you find yourself “unconscious” from the strong feelings that have overwhelmed you, you are unlikely to be able to help your baby calm down and survive this moment. Having done take a deep breath and exhale, listen to what is happening to you, what this situation reminds you of, why it is so difficult to withstand the baby’s crying and pain, what you want to do... Take a pause. Your son or daughter is not you, he has a different story and different feelings now. But the better you understand yourself and console your “inner child,” the better you can listen to what is happening with your child. He really needs you now to understand him and help him cope with the storm of feelings and emotions that made him run home screaming. Listen to him, don’t interrupt. Sit next to her, hug her, without rushing to say anything or draw hasty conclusions. Try to name the feelings he may be experiencing. “You seem very upset. You're really angry right now. You feel like nothing can be fixed. You hoped that everything would be different, but it turned out like this...You are very bitter.” In response to each “guessed” feeling, sobbing may intensify, and new streams of resentment and anger will pour out. This is how it should be. Do not try to immediately calm him down and console him that everything will be fine. This is the next stage. Let all the difficult feelings come out first, and let your child understand that you accept them and do not consider them something to be ashamed of at the moment. Such an experience of acceptance and sympathy experienced with a parent will allow the child to cope with similar situations himself in the future. When the first wave subsides, sometimes the child himself begins to talk about what he was wrong about, or why, it seems to him, the events unfolded exactly Thus. If your child feels your love and support, calmness and absence of overwhelming anxiety, a safe space appears to discuss the situation, think about it and learn lessons.…