What questions do you ask yourself when you find yourself in an unpleasant situation? Most likely it will be a question of why, in terms of why did this happen to me. And the second common question is “why do I need this?” And if in the first case the question is essentially aimed at searching for possible errors or circumstances. In the second case, the question shows that you treat what happened as a punishment, and it is important for you to understand why you were punished. Quite often, these two questions force a person to spend a lot of energy and time searching for answers. And such energy expenditures, especially if the situation is very difficult (divorce, dismissal, etc.), often lead to a deterioration of not only emotional, but also physical condition. This may result in loss of appetite or insomnia. Often, in search of an answer to these questions, a person drives himself either into a state where he blames only himself for everything that happened, or his accusations are directed at others. In both cases, anger will grow, which will certainly transform into aggression. Moreover, aggression towards oneself in such a situation can lead a person to actions that will truly threaten his life. As a rule, such an active search does not bring results. And it is conducted with the goal of explaining to oneself the causes and consequences. But, unfortunately, or fortunately, a person can never know the whole truth about what happened. The whole point is that we can understand what happened only to the extent that our thinking is developed. In numbers it looks like this: the situation is 100%, but the level of our “understanding” is only 5-7% for the average person. For geniuses this level is close to 10%. The complexity of experiences in such situations is that a person has an invented need for an explanation, and it seems that if everything becomes clear, it will become easier. But this is self-deception. It's more helpful to focus on accepting the situation. It's already happened, period. But then you can ask yourself other questions, for example, why do I need this, but why do I need this situation. Not why this happened to me, but why. After all, it is possible that you really haven’t noticed something for a long time and such a critical situation is a reason to turn your attention in a different direction. Moreover, when we ask the question why, the answer to it will most likely be some kind of action or deed. And again, it is possible that the situation is some kind of impetus for this decision. Moreover, such decisions are often fateful, in a positive sense. Everyone chooses what questions to ask themselves in a difficult situation. But it is useful to understand that we look for answers to different questions in different places. And choosing the past for this is not always the best solution. Your psychologist Anton Chernykh.