Often at my appointments I hear phrases from clients that they themselves are to blame for everything. When reading questions to psychologists, I also often come across statements such as “I take my share of responsibility with I’m not taking pictures of myself, I understand that I myself am to blame for what happened” or “What a fool I was, it serves me right - it’s all my fault.” There are so many variations on this theme that I decided to write about it separately. I’ll be banal, but I’ll still write “we learn all our lives.” But for some reason, adults often don’t want to learn. Moreover, they don’t even want to learn what they need to increase their salary. I often had to communicate with managers who grew up from sales managers, loaders, drivers - that is, those who, as they say, started from the bottom of the career ladder. They are simply perplexed that people easily admit they are guilty and humiliate themselves in every possible way. It would be logical to assume that those who consider themselves guilty are responsible people and are ready to learn. But, alas, everything is exactly the opposite. With his self-criticism, a person lowers himself to the level of “below the plinth”, but at the same time he flatly refuses to change anything. Let me explain with a specific example. A salesperson could earn more if he listened to the feedback he receives from customers, read books on increasing sales, and practiced the techniques from these books in his work. Those who work in sales know that there are only a few such people. And at the same time, many sellers easily admit that they do not know how to sell and that it is their own fault that they earn little. I gave the example of sales skill, but this also happens with many other skills and abilities - the ability to build a family, raise children , communicate with people and many others. What is the reason that someone who is used to blaming himself turns out to be an openly irresponsible person who does not want to improve his skills? Self-flagellation and self-accusation are a way to avoid responsibility of the “repent, go” type “I will continue to sin,” then again “I will repent.” This is a vicious circle, and in order to break it, you need to add an element such as starting to do something differently, and only then will you stop blaming yourself. If you do the same thing in the same way, the result will be the same. So, start by asking yourself, “What can I do to solve the problem?” Very often this question flows into another question, “What is it worth to me?” learn to solve the problem?” Develop, as opposed to guilt, a sense of responsibility for everything that happens to you. Stop seeing other people as the source of your troubles. Understand that none of them owe you anything. Perhaps for a long time to come, out of habit, you will have the desire to bring down self-accusations on yourself and bitterly regret what happened - interrupt them. These feelings only eat up your energy and time. Let this place be better taken by thoughts about the future you want, and about what you are learning now in order to bring this future closer. Remember, it’s not as scary to stumble and fall as to lie down.