In ~2015 I came to body-oriented therapy with Tatyana Fischer. I do the exercise: On one chair is my Inner Child. This is a boy of about 6 years old who is crying and covered in snot. And on the other chair is the figure of the inner Parent. He is an example of standard masculinity: bearded, brutal and stern. He wants to hit this child because he is tired of whining. "Stay calm and carry on!" - he wants to shout. Tatyana asks how can I do this myself? This question turned something inside me. Where is the adult who beats the child, and where is the masculinity? A familiar pattern that had been hammered in for 18 years, and polished into a script by Sparta and life. I didn’t immediately come to normal psychotherapy, but continued to go to fight clubs, esoteric practices and reading popular psychology, shaking the condition even more. For several more years I rethought the concept “be a man.” There were relationships where the girl expected the actions of a traditional man. So that I would be the one who would bring the mammoth home, fix everything and be faster, taller, stronger. I felt stuffy in this image, and I couldn’t cope with expectations, first of all, from myself. There was no room for me behind them. And the task was not age appropriate due to the big difference. I began to study: what am I? I have empathy, tenderness, and humor. I don't really like competition. I am not drawn to material achievements as an end in itself. I reflect a lot. And because of socialization, I am able to respond to aggression with aggression and stand up for myself. It seems to me that I am 60/40 masculine and feminine. I think it's ok. And in general, everything is ok if it suits you! Now I have a positive attitude towards feminism, a negative attitude towards patriarchy and ossified gender roles. And I no longer want to fit myself or those around me into sets of functions and roles because of gender. I can just sit at home and take care of the house while my girlfriend works more, and at some point I can exchange responsibilities. It depends on how and who is more comfortable in the moment. PS Such a photo would have been impossible in 2014. Too unmanly. Damn, how funny it is now