Other people's stories tend to hook us because we unconsciously see ourselves through other people's experiences. Or we try on someone else’s experience for ourselves. That’s why I like to describe different client stories (with their permission, of course), so as not to “fill” people’s heads with sometimes unnecessary theory, but to show how you can cope with difficulties in life or simply change your life with the help of psychotherapy. A 45-year-old woman (let’s call her M.) came to see her because she could not establish a relationship with her adult daughter (20 years old). My daughter doesn’t want to go anywhere to study, or rather, she can’t decide what she wants to become. M. is very worried that her daughter will not have a profession and she will work in a low-paid job. The following is interesting in this client case: How mother and daughter interact with each other, that this results in constant conflicts, screaming and swearing. When we began to explore with my mother what was happening to her at the beginning, during and after the conflict, we discovered a whole kaleidoscope of emotions. But the basis was the same - M. is so worried about her daughter’s future that she is horrified that she cannot find with you. And here is an important point: she does not feel this horror. She is completely out of touch with her fear. And of course, there is also a reason for this. In M.'s childhood there were several very difficult situations, accompanied by horror and fear, but there was no one nearby who could provide support to survive these situations. There was no adult nearby who could become a support in these incidents and therefore, the safest thing for M. was to suppress these feelings. And now almost every time situations arise where M. experiences strong fear, she immediately “jumps” into a state of anger, or even intense rage. For her, anger, anger and rage are more bearable and easier to withstand. How does the daughter see her mother in these situations? As we can assume, she sees anger and rage and has no idea why her mother behaves this way. The daughter's response is also aggression, as a defense. After M.'s exploration of this horror, there was another delightful discovery. Beneath the horror lay a lot of...what would you think?...of course, love. But as we dare to assume, it is impossible to express this love, because... it must be reached through anger and fear. And of course, the daughter clearly does not feel this love from M. So this is the picture we get: M.’s daughter cannot decide on what to do in her life, apparently she is experiencing difficulties. At a time when a person is experiencing difficulties, we can assume that he also needs support, attention and love. But her mother cannot give her this, absorbed in her own processes. M. loves and worries about her daughter’s future, but cannot give her support in a difficult choice. A vicious circle. Where to start breaking this circle? In order to learn to live and express your true feelings regarding each situation. At least for a start, learn to recognize them. There is still a lot of psychotherapeutic work in this case, but I am sincerely happy when clients take at least the first steps towards meeting their real selves, towards meeting their loved ones and the love between them. If you cannot establish relationships with others or you need help understanding your emotions, I invite you to a consultation. Sign up on WhatsApp +79298339313