What do people lack to be close? 1. Fear of speaking directly and openly. Especially when you haven’t done this since childhood, or you did, but received a strong negative retribution in the form of the anger of authority figures (be it your parents or other objects important to you). Telling your husband “I’m bored,” “I want to get a gift from you,” “I don’t like it when you offend me like that” is considered NOT socially approved and is condemned by the Inner Critic (“you’re a fool for saying that,” “be patient.” , you can’t say something like that,” “keep quiet, otherwise you won’t get anything at all,” “Well, I said it, and what did I get? It would be better if I didn’t do anything,” etc.) And so it goes on for years. Sometimes someone breaks through and a powerful scandal emerges, which only exposes the nerves, like wires, short circuits, causes pain and fades away, until next time. Children grow up in relationships where there is such fear. It’s not difficult to guess what they learn from their parents. But sometimes, through conflict, discussion of compromises, the clash of difficult feelings and discontent, intimacy is born: both sides become clear about what they want, how they see it and what they get as a result in their relationship. 2. Security. This need is basic for us, in other words, early-early (the first hours, weeks, months of life). Unfortunately, not everyone develops this in a healthy way, which then affects family (partnership) relationships: “Can you share intimate things with your partner?”, “Do you allow yourself to cry openly in front of other, close people?”, “Aren’t you afraid?” be vulnerable? and more...No security - no intimacy. Anyway. How not to idealize your alcoholic or gambling partner. How not to imagine a husband who periodically insults or humiliates him as good and kind on other days. Don't close your eyes if you've been hit at least once. On a conscious level, you may forget this, not see it as scary, but on an instinctive level, you are not safe. Therefore, if you want intimacy, openness, trust, start filtering your relationship with your partner. There can NEVER be safety with an alcoholic, a tyrant, a drug addict, or a gambling addict. By the way, safety is directly related to female orgasm. Just shhhhhh... 3. Honesty and sincerity. We spend so much time, cheating and manipulating that honesty has become something fantastic. All this is especially worked out in close relationships. Time, that we had an orgasm or we felt good in bed; Time, about the internal state (this is related to fears, read point 1); Time, for yourself and, as a result, for the other; Maybe that’s enough for you? definitely doesn't bring us closer. On the contrary, they throw them away from each other. 4. The ability to talk about feelings. This is probably the most difficult point, because it reflects the entire emotional intelligence of a person. This is also about how to understand how you feel YOURSELF. Without inner contact with your own state, it is very difficult to be aware of how others feel. I will share with you my knowledge: there are only 4 (real) feelings: - SADNESS - ANGER - JOY - FEAR Everything else is surrogates, or forms of manifestation of these real feelings. So we can envy, but inside (without realizing it) feel anger, be offended (or pretend), and inside shake with fear, lose a loved one, but not grieve (through sadness, melancholy, pain), but are in agitation and vigor (cover true feelings with nervous behavior), etc. It is very important to talk about feelings in relationships! Tell someone else how you can be angry, happy, or afraid. All this allows you to get closer not only physically (through sex), but also emotionally. If you are reading these lines and want to improve your relationship, do something in this direction. You will always have time to just talk about it! Family well-being to you!