How to remain kind while maintaining your interests? The answer is simple - be honest with yourself and others about your thoughts, desires, feelings and emotions. It’s simple, but this issue causes many difficulties and often hinders our development. During consultations we often touch on this issue. In my life, I have devoted quite a long time to the profession of a “good person”. And I perfectly understand the feelings and sensations of those who ask such questions. - How to say and not offend? - How to say no, because this is arrogance? - How to love, but not allow yourself to be used? - How to explain so that another understands? - How not to feel guilty (oh) if a loved one is dissatisfied? - How not to feel guilty (oh) if someone else feels bad, but I’m overjoyed? And many more “how?” 1. The first thing you should realize and understand: Another person is a set of the same abilities as you. This is a question of the dosage of responsibility. We row often, forgive the slang, another word will not reflect our desire to feel responsible for the whole world)))! “He can’t cope without me!”, “I need to help him (even if no one asked for it)”, “It’s my fault, he has nothing to do with it!” ...We are all adults, although not all are mature))) people. Everyone is able to make their own decisions, voice their opinions, feelings and desires. There is no need to think, it is better to ask. There is no need to go and eat yourself, it is better to just ask for forgiveness or apologize. There is no need to create drama and tragedy in your head where there is absolutely no reason. Yes, the husband came upset. Yes, it happens that something doesn’t work out for the child. Yes, it happens that parents like to cheer and thus attract attention to themselves. Yes, many people like to complain and make excuses. Yes, people have different perceptions and picture of the world. BUT! This does not mean that you should adapt to everyone and everyone, sit down next to them, take out your handkerchief and sob together, sharing the fate of your loved one. How will this help? How will this resolve the situation? And if you still did not take a handkerchief with you for tears, this does not mean that you are not a kind person. You may be kind, but also honest, but not everyone likes the truth))). Sometimes it is unpleasant for us and others to hear that we are responsible, that we should change something in ourselves, and not blame others, etc. But, if we do not behave this way, the feeling of guilt simply tears us apart from the inside and we are ready to write ourselves off ticket to the guillotine! My good ones: the world is what it is, although people are created “in the image and likeness,” they have different matrix perceptions. For some, religion has imposed restrictions due to fears, for others, family, for others, the state has intimidated them with its laws, and so on. And for someone everything is fine, but such a person will not make you feel guilty, will not criticize or judge - he will simply say: “interesting experience”, “of course, live the way you like”, “of course, tell the truth, how you feel”, etc. If others have blinders, this does not mean that you are limited in anything. You are free to choose your thoughts, feelings and reactions. Honesty towards others is much more beneficial. Maybe it’s from you that a person needs to hear “no”, “pull yourself together”, “look for a solution, and don’t get hung up on the problem”. So you are kind, and you are not littered with things that have no place in you. Everyone is fine! Another question is if a person specifically expresses their request: “have pity on me,” “just listen to me,” “I feel bad, just sit with me and tell me that everything is fine,” etc. In this case, of course, showing compassion and providing support is always welcome. 2. We realize the simple truth “kindness is not always soft, fluffy and tender.” Somehow it happened that kindness, being kind, goodwill among us was distorted into the concept of “do what others expect of you.” But, excuse me, what is this concept that takes into account the interests of one side? And then we all struggle with our pride and selfishness. And the reason for both is the suppression of one’s own interests, because, as nature has provided for instinct.