From the author: (for Tatyana) Today there is no doubt that the order of birth of a child in a family affects his individual characteristics, choice of profession, choice of partner. http://www. rebenok.com/info/library/psychology/42353/ http://deti.mail.ru/family/starshij-srednij-mladshij-kakimi-oni-vyrastut/When working with my clients I use the genogram method and lately more and more often I draw attention to the sibling position of the partners who came with the request “Why don’t we understand each other.” It is often enough to look at problems from a sibling position to discover the causes of conflicts and resolve the request. W. Towman calculated that for a person who has one brother and a sister, sixteen different combinations of family relationships can be created. Almost all relationships can withstand the test of strength, but some people are able to endure any difficulties, while others break up, despite the favorable external conditions. The outcome of the case is greatly influenced by the place among other children in the family - the sibling position. Most of us, by the time we start a family, have time to perfectly learn our role and no one wants to relearn just because we are getting married. Actually, we are not retraining. We are much smarter and often unconsciously choose a partner who complements us, that is, occupies the same sibling position as our brother or sister. Thus, we also unconsciously get rid of unnecessary conflicts. There are enough of those that you can’t do without. If a man grew up among boys (brothers) and married a woman who grew up among women (sisters), then a conflict between the sexes may also arise between them. They do not understand each other's language and risk remaining unheard by placing increased demands on each other. A boy who grew up surrounded by brothers and never saw how a girl behaves when she just gets out of bed in the morning can be just as disappointed as a girl who grew up among sisters when she sees her lover cry in the movies or discovers that his torso is not as tanned. and pumped up like men in magazine photos. If two eldest or only children get married, then a conflict of ranks arises between them, because both are accustomed to the fact that he is the one who copes best with any task. A woman who was the eldest child in her parental family and took care of her younger brothers and sisters may dream of a strong older brother who will take command and make decisions for her, but over time she will begin to be irritated by his authority, and she will want to do things differently. marriage is what is familiar to her, namely, to act and make decisions independently. And the older brother himself will feel a threat to his prestigious position, won in childhood. It will be especially difficult for a couple of two older children if the wife turns out to be a diligent older sister who will always rush to tell her husband how best to do his job and try to control the process. If spouses with older children quarrel every time they meet in the kitchen, then you can be sure that this is the same conflict of ranks.. A brother’s older sister will have an easier time in marriage in all respects with her sister’s younger brother. If two younger children get married, then there is a risk that their refrigerator will always be empty, and every time they open the refrigerator door, they will look at each other in surprise and offence. The best wife for a sister's elder brother will be his brother's younger sister. They will both speak the same language, they have long known how to achieve the goal faster. The younger brother of the older sister knows perfectly well how to get his way.