I want to share my personal experience - how I learned to say “no” when communicating with children. As you know, children are very skillful manipulators and they do this from infancy. All children test our boundaries, but they do it in different ways, since there are obedient children, and there are stubborn children. They learn the rules in different ways and in different ways. react to the comments of adults. Problems rarely arise with obedient children - they fulfill all requests, recommendations of parents, adults, easily cooperate, literally look into their mouths. These children are the dream of any parent and teacher. Stubborn children bring a lot of trouble to both parents and their immediate family environment, and teachers. You always have to be on alert with them, because they constantly test the boundaries of what is permitted and constantly compete for power with parents and teachers. This struggle is so exhausting and it is not a fact that it will be as you said or as you want Many parents capitulate in this exhausting struggle, because it requires a lot of patience, consistency and change. And then it is not the parents who “rule the show” in the family, but your stubborn child. I also had experience working with such children. At the stage of getting to know such a child, I took all his statements and complaints at face value. A priori, believing that a child cannot lie, he is a sincere and truthful person.... Over time, I realized that this depends on the age of the child, his habits, mental abilities, parenting style. Until you understand what's what, compare the facts, talk with your parents, you can get into trouble. This is what happened when working with a 6-year-old girl, Masha (conventional name), who periodically has allergic reactions to sweets - parents they limit and at times even prohibit buying sweets. The ban is not mandatory. The girl has already checked this more than once, since she quickly forces her grandmother to buy her some sweets in the store. Mom allows it sometimes. Now it’s my turn to test my strength. First I bought her sweets, for which I received a remark from my mother and a request not to buy her sweets. What Masha does: she tries to lure her into the store by hook or by crook, then we have a long period of time there. a grueling dialogue, where I give my arguments why I won’t buy what she wants, and she wants hers, or rather, the dialogue begins earlier, when she asks to go to the store: - Why do we need to go to the store? We have nothing to do there... - We need to buy milk and bread... - Yes, well, let's go in... - Let's buy these... (sweets, chewing gum, etc.) - Mom didn’t allow me to buy them .-Mom herself bought it for me yesterday....Well, buy it...-You’ll ruin your appetite...and you won’t have lunch.-I won’t eat now...-I won’t buy you candy -mom didn’t order- you have diathesis. - And grandma buys me candy. - So what if grandma buys you candy, but I won’t buy it for you. - And then I’ll tell mom that you’re a bad governess and she’ll fire you.... - Well , and let him fire me - I’ll find another job. - Well, please, I’ll eat them after lunch. - Why do you need these candies - they’re all chemicals...? - Well, what do I want.. (.takes from the counter from cash register bags) - do you want me to die of hunger - I’m hungry... - We have to walk 5 minutes to the house - I think that nothing will happen in five minutes... - Then I won’t do the task... .(walks forward offended) These are the kind of verbal sparring matches we had very often... Sound familiar? After one master class with a well-known colleague in our circles, I used a different conversation scheme when refusing another girl’s request to go to the store: 1. the word “no” (firm and decisive) 2. content 3. justification 4 compensation and this is what happened: - Let’s go to the store - NO. We won’t go to the store, because the store is not part of our plans. It’s better we take a walk this time Masha again tries to insist on her opinion and the answer is again: “NO.” We won’t go into the store, because the store is not part of our plans. It’s better that we take a walk on the site this time. I said this phrase two more times and looked at Masha. "blown away" in their )