The world has become so dynamic that people can change their partners faster than new models of gadgets are released. The institution of marriage was killed when Zuckerberg invented Facebook. We live in those realities when a person can develop very intensively. If your partner does not develop as well, stops meeting your internal expectations, and begins to slow you down, then it becomes uninteresting to stay together. Therefore, the gap is very logical. But you can disagree in different ways, or rather, have different attitudes towards this. • For some it will be a terrible tragedy, with tears, revenge, endless thoughts: “oh, how can this happen!” • And for others it is lived calmly, without strain. Yes, it’s unpleasant that we broke up, but I will move on with my life. Usually it bombs when there is a vulnerability. For example, when the value of family is extremely high. This value in itself is good, but not when it becomes extremely important. A negative emotional reaction is usually triggered in two cases: 1. Spotlight principle Imagine a dark forest and a bright beam of light is directed into it. Everything becomes visible. Every tree, animal, bird. This is how the spotlight works in our lives. For example, a girl is dating a guy and has already imagined their future together down to the smallest detail. Where will they live, in what house, what will they name the children and what kind of dog will they get. And if suddenly the guy decides to break up with her, then her spotlight on the future will turn off. It will be very painful. Because she planned her life with this person to the maximum and this future was cut short at one moment. 2. Painful pride: Self-pity, comparison of oneself with others. It is mine! I have done so much for this man! This is unfair! Here greed, pride, and a sense of ownership are confused with love. Often manifests itself in men, because their world of competition and testosterone does not tolerate being left behind. If you find yourself in similar situations and you feel bad, then first give time to recover from this emotion. In the first case, we learn not to bet on a person. Now it’s good for the two of us, but no one knows what will happen next. Things may not go the way we want. Learning to accept life's uncertainty. At sessions with clients, we analyze this separately and work with it. And secondly, we ask ourselves, what excites me now? What is hurting me now: pride, instinct. Or that I am better/worse than someone else? You need to learn to understand your emotions and manage your ego. Yes, it will be painful. Because love is not “you are mine.” It’s about “everything is fine with you.” And it doesn’t matter whether the person I love lives with me, sleeps with me, or does it with someone else. Love is about making the life of your loved one better. This is not about property. We agree?