When there is no support inside, there is a lot of anxiety, fears and prohibitions on showing aggression, a person has nothing left but to look for a “crutch” in the external environment in order to lean on him and calm his fears by making him responsible for your life. Rules, guidelines, prohibitions, regulations, a certain order established by others are chosen to play the role of a “crutch”. It looks something like this: A woman should do housework, and a man should earn money, because this has been the case since time immemorial. Therefore, such a model is the key to a happy personal life. Does this mean that housewives are not divorced? Of course not. A man’s well-established life and income are not a guard against divorce. But! People who have a fear of intimacy take such clichés as an axiom. It is he who prevents them from gaining their own experience and relying on it. Therefore, they use the experience of parents, friends, demand from psychologists a clear plan of action, what exactly needs to be said, etc. But even this experience they accept into their picture of the world as something alien, living on its own. They are afraid to get close to it, examine it from all sides, highlight its construct, modify it and integrate it into their value system. Therefore, they accept it in its entirety, as an attitude that cannot be changed. After all, in order to change something, you need to at least declare disagreement, i.e. show aggression. But somewhere deep in the subconscious another “crutch” has already stuck: it’s not good to be angry! And then development stops! Because a person turns into a “library of rules” and all his energy goes into storing them! He cannot develop them further, because... They must first be accepted, but the fear of intimacy does not allow it, and then the unnecessary part is rejected, prevented by the ban on aggression. And that’s it, they’ve arrived, as they say! The energy level grows along with the needs and the realization of one’s “wants”. But they are not there! There is only: how it should be and how it is correct, “tell me, what should I do?” and “what should I do?” Stupor sets in: “A real strong relationship can only grow from a chance meeting.” The meeting does not happen, there is no request for independent actions and there is no energy. There is no personal life. And this applies to all areas. In order to free yourself from such clichés, push your usual boundaries. To do this, ask yourself the question: What if? What if fate is not just a chance meeting? What if I get active myself? Register on a dating site, for example? What if you can start a business without personal capital? What if I explore niches where all I need is the Internet, a phone, and a list of suppliers? What if I openly state what I don’t like? Isn't it good to be angry? It’s better to become a container for storing anger?