How to avoid conflicts in the family It is rare for a married couple to enjoy conflicts in the family. But at the same time, disagreements leading to quarrels occur very often in families. The scenarios according to which the conflict develops are different. Usually, indignation gradually grows, voices become louder, faces are distorted by grimaces of anger, despair, irritation, and sometimes hatred. And a person, who until recently was so close and dear, turns into an enemy, an offender, with words that hurt feelings and wound the soul. And then... Someone reconciles and lives more or less calmly until the next quarrel, someone harbors a grudge and withdraws into himself. But in any case, such “shake-ups” are painful for the family, the spouses feel wounded and devastated. There are, of course, couples for whom frequent quarrels are a kind of “hobby,” but we are not talking about them now. Among psychologists there are different points of view on the connection between the fading of love, close relationships, divorce and frequent conflicts between spouses. Let's highlight two that are most common. The first is that conflicts and negative emotions lead to the loss of warm, trusting relationships between partners, and, ultimately, the loss of love. Then it becomes very important to teach spouses the culture and techniques of communication, the peaceful resolution of disagreements that arise, and develop the spouses’ ability to calmly and constructively convey their opinion to the other partner. Another point of view is that it is the lack of trust, openness, and emotional closeness in the family that causes frequent conflicts. That is, the partner feels lonely, misunderstood, unsatisfied in his desire for spiritual intimacy with his spouse, and this is what provokes conflict behavior on his part. What to do, how to help suffering spouses? In our opinion, psychological assistance should be comprehensive in nature, and consist, firstly, in joint work (spouses and psychologist) to strengthen affection, intimacy, love between spouses, and secondly, in teaching partners techniques for effective communication with each other and ways to peacefully resolve differences. What are the most general tips that can be given to spouses to avoid frequent quarrels, disputes and conflicts?1. You need to master the art of listening to your partner. We are all familiar with the situation when we are not able to simply listen to a person for five minutes, even if this is a person close to us, and our attention and our participation are very important to him. We are impatiently waiting for him to finish his speech so that we can finally join our “party.” And, unfortunately, this is exactly how a “dialogue” often happens between spouses, which is more reminiscent of two monologues, pronounced in turn, and sometimes simultaneously. So, be a good listener! This is also important when there are disagreements. Listen to your spouse until the end. Don't interrupt. It may turn out that your points of view on solving a problem are very close, but you have already interrupted him, did not listen to him, thereby provoking an unnecessary argument. But even if this is not the case, and disagreements still exist, listen carefully and calmly to your partner, this will help you later present your arguments more intelligently, calmly and convincingly.2. It is not enough to listen to your spouse. We need to “hear” him! And this is no longer the work of the hearing organs, but of the soul. It can be difficult. After all, you need to understand, feel what the other wants to convey to you. But to understand not in the way that is easier or more familiar to you, but to grasp exactly the meaning that he puts into his words.3. Don't be emotionally indifferent. After all, this is your close, dear person. He expects support from you, sometimes sympathy, sometimes he wants you to share your joy with him, or reassure him, or reassure him of your readiness to help. In general, you should not listen to your spouse with a straight face, yawn, or express emotion insincerely.4. We must understand that there are significant differences between men and women in their way of thinking, perception of the world, internal needs and ways of expressing their thoughts.