How to stop being a Jedi? Question asked by a support group member. “I have to do everything perfectly and succeed.” To the question "Why?" the answer is “To achieve recognition and love of significant people.” It became sad. In general, it seems to me that there are two polar opinions in the world on this matter. There are a lot of books, forums, posts about: “What every woman should know in order to attract a man into her life” or “What a real man should be”, or “10 rules of upbringing that every mother should know”, etc. And there is one more short thought - “No one in this life owes anyone anything.” Paraparapam! And frustration arises - who is right? And here each person chooses the answer based on His beliefs. But then you need to understand and ask yourself - are these beliefs really Mine? Or were they imposed on me from the outside, from parental guidance, from society and certain rules of a “good and correct life”? There is such a thing as cognitive distortions. Or irrational attitudes. Or problematic beliefs, false conclusions. Call it what you want. The essence is the same. An attitude is an interpretation that determines a person’s attitude towards current events. An irrational attitude always contradicts reality, objectively prevailing conditions, has the nature of a prescription, an absolutist requirement and leads to maladjustment of the individual. Irrational attitudes are often perceived without criticism, as indisputable, not requiring testing for logic, since they are firmly embedded in our psyche from significant people in childhood. And there are different kinds of irrational attitudes in nature. Clinical psychologist Albert Ellis identifies 10 such attitudes. Briefly about the most common ones: 1. Installation of catastrophizing. When everything is perceived as an exaggeration of a negative nature. The event that occurred is described as “the end of the world/horror/nightmare”;2. Setting the obligation. He considered this installation the “Queen” of installations. It manifests itself in three spheres - “I owe”, “they owe me”, “the world owes”. Leads to feelings of guilt, exhaustion of strength and a heightened sense of justice;3. Overgeneralization setting. When some event in life leads to a general rule or label. For example, “all men are assholes,” “deception is everywhere,” “it’s always like this in our world”; 4. Setting up personalization. When everything that happens is connected with one’s personality “I’m probably being evaluated/discussed now,” “everyone is looking at me, as if they were talking about me and just stopped talking when I came in”;5. Setting up assessment. It manifests itself in the assessment not of individual qualities or actions of a person, but of the personality as a whole. It is characterized by the categorization “dumb/smart, stupid/smart, good/bad.” I’ll stop there, otherwise no one will read to the end) And the end is actually that if you find similar attitudes in yourself, it would be great to question them, challenge them , understand their superstitiousness, unreasonability and develop new thinking. The process is not quick, but very necessary if you do not want to experience anxiety, a feeling of insignificance, depression, and intend to perceive events objectively, adequately and without prejudice. I will try to further talk about each installation separately and what to do with it, so that you help. Take care of yourself