In the office of psychoanalyst Ekaterina Larionova, the telephone was desperately ringing off the hook. A concerned mother of a 16-year-old called. “I'm worried about my son!” – she immediately blurted out as soon as the psychologist picked up the phone. – What a future awaits him! I finally stopped understanding him! “So, calm down and explain to me what made you worry so much,” said Ekaterina kindly. “I’m worried about how my son’s life will turn out!” – the woman sighed. – He is a very late child, with such an age difference, I don’t understand his youth culture at all! As a child, he was a good and obedient boy, but as he grew older, he began to fight off his hands more and more. School grades are falling every year. He barely finished tenth grade - only C grades! Now Syoma has gone to the eleventh. He still doesn’t know who he wants to be, where he will go, there is no interest in studying. – What is the connection with his “youth” culture? - the psychologist clarified. - You see, when he was a kid, I always read good, kind books to him, he didn’t know any curse words from me, he studied violin at a music school, went to a drawing club. And recently I suddenly heard him talking on the phone. You will not believe! One checkmate! He was discussing some rapper with such admiration... I read him a rap, where he said how great it is to “sniff” and something else about a needle! He addressed his friend, every word, “dude!”, “Listen, dude!” Is this literary speech?! I went to the Internet and found their idol! God! Covered in tattoos, rings hanging on his eyebrows, on his lips, he rides a motorcycle drunk, he’s already had two accidents, in one of which he hit a man, his scandals are all over the news! And he sings about drugs, with obscene language, and talks about how good it is to “live high”! My parents would have had a heart attack if I had been carried away by such a rock star, and even started communicating with obscenities! Their generation was delighted by good films, protective heroes, they idolized pilots and astronauts. Mom and dad instilled in my brother and me a love of courage and self-sacrifice, taught us to protect the weak and help the elderly. At our school, the boys carried a briefcase for the girls, and we worked on homework together. The result was that my brother became a doctor, and I graduated from college and was invited to teach there. We are worthy, educated people who have found a place in life. And who will my son grow up to be?! What will this “rapper” teach him! Smoking weed, calling girls “chicks”, breaking traffic rules?! My son's idol has a 7th grade education! He injects heroin! I already have a picture in my head of what will happen when Syomochka graduates from school and gains freedom! He probably won't go anywhere to study. He’ll get a bunch of tattoos, pierce his eyebrows, get a bike, and in the end I’ll find him in some hospital with broken legs and arms, having run over a man, and I’ll have to sort it all out! But I’m not getting any younger! I don’t have enough strength to care for an incapacitated drug addict in my old age! Ekaterina Larionova led groups for teenagers and such parental experiences were not new to her. – Don’t exaggerate! – she stopped her mother, out of breath with excitement. – You started by saying that you are worried about your son’s future because he has no interest in studying, right? – Yes! – she agreed. “And he worships a drug addict on a bike!” “Syoma has already gotten a tattoo and rides a motorcycle?” “Well, not yet...” the woman answered, coming to her senses a little. – But what will his friends teach him?! Did I teach him to swear?! He’s just a sweetheart at home: polite, neat, washes the dishes for himself, makes me tea. I would never have thought that he swears so much and listens to such rappers! “Your son is 16 years old,” explained Ekaterina, “of course you tried to give him the best, as a loving parent should.” But we live in a changing world and each generation comes to a new reality: technology develops, fashion and style change, new ideals come. Your parents are the post-war generation: of course, then the ideals were heroic defenders, pilots and astronauts! But inin your youth, you probably also had hobbies that were different from theirs? Let’s think about it? “Ah...” the interlocutor grinned, “well, of course, there were some nuances.” Our parents forbade us to wear jeans. They considered it vulgar. – What emotions did this evoke in you? And why did you like jeans so much? – I think it’s not the jeans themselves as such. The point is the prohibition, the inaccessibility of other fashion. American culture attracted us with its relaxedness, inaccessibility, brightness, otherness... The country then had an official culture and our private one was free. The authorities believed that they could impose on us how to live, the Central Committee of the CPSU tried to intimidate us with the decisions of their plenums, where they prescribed what the culture of youth should look like. It was a different time! Of course we didn't listen to anyone. As a result, we showed that culture is stronger than politics! We dressed as we wanted, went to concerts of rock bands, locked ourselves in underground video stores and watched films on cassette tapes. Our heroes were people like Rambo, not swearing rappers! Is it possible to compare?! From her voice, Ekaterina Larionova realized that memories give a woman great pleasure and she is ready to talk about her youth for hours. “You see, at every time there are its own forbidden things,” the psychotherapist smiled. – And Generation Z, to which your son belongs, generally lives in the digital era, where, due to the abundance of information, it is very difficult to decide on values. Talk to your son about what he found attractive about his rapper, why does he admire him so much? Remind him and realize for yourself that now idols are not only “bad guys”. Many singers and bloggers, despite their eccentric appearance, promote the right guidelines. Klava Koka, for example, graduated from music school and sang in a jazz choir, and MIA BOYKA not only graduated from the Faculty of Business, but also entered the Master's program at the Faculty of Management in Innovative Entrepreneurship. First of all, we need to find out why Syoma became interested in this particular rapper! At 16 years old, the boy’s psyche is still unstable. Hormones, adolescence - all this makes him vulnerable. It is important for him to be accepted in society, to fit into the team that surrounds him at school. Perhaps it’s simply customary there to consider this rapper an idol, and the children only pretend to like him so as not to look like a black sheep. At home you instill in Syoma good, bright ideals, kindness, diligence, and at school the community considers those who listen to swear words to be cool raps, uses foul language - and your son has to be a cocky and “clear dude”, because if he doesn’t belong to the group, he will experience loneliness, even depression. – What kind of word is “dude”! – the interlocutor got angry. “When I was a child, my mother would hit me on the lips even for saying the word “fool.” What should I do? Should I transfer my son to another school? In the eleventh grade?! “It’s not a fact that it will be different there,” answered Ekaterina. – The most reliable way to give a teenager a sense of protection and belonging to a group that will accept him is to invite him to classes in psychotherapeutic groups for teenagers. Meeting online once a week, young people and girls are there in a safe environment, where no one will be subject to ridicule, bullying, or condemned for not following the subculture. There they reveal themselves as they are, learn self-respect, empathy, relationships in the right way, this helps them fit into any society without losing their own identity. There you can gain knowledge that was not received in the family, as well as learn about new, positive idols. You see, a child is interested in bloggers and singers because they have something that he himself does not have in life: recognition, respect from others, some skills , money. It was easy for Syoma to get carried away by the bad hero, because hooligans are always enveloped in romance. Girls love daring guys, boys want to be friends with them. Such heroes are always on the hype - they write and talk about them. In psychological groups for teenagers, we analyze these moments, because, as Irene Oginski rightly said, “the right chosen idol is the one you see yourself in the future!” We help everyone find=2609310