First of all, I want to start by debunking a very popular myth today, which is propagated by many movements of “positive thinking,” “thought power,” various esoteric teachings, etc. This myth can be very dangerous. And it lies in the following: How a person behaves towards me depends solely on me. So, I somehow attracted him. This means that I need to understand something, accept it, go through a certain lesson, etc. And after this, an expectation logically arises (conscious or not): if I change, he will change too. And from this it seems to become calmer. Anxiety and worries decrease. And we, for a certain period of time, feel more confident. But.. Does this change the relationship? Do I mean real, long-term improvements and changes? As practice shows, it’s more likely not than yes. Of course, relationships often improve. But it’s not because I’ve changed, I’ve “improved,” and after me He’s “pulled up.” No. If relationships change, it’s only as a result of intrapsychic changes in a person, which lead to the fact that he becomes able to accept (according to -for real!) yourself, and after this - and the Other, with his characteristics and shortcomings. And this is fundamentally different from the position of expectation: I will now work on something in myself - and as a result of this, the Other will change. In fact - rather everything will NOT change. And this is painful to realize. I don't want to accept this. This breaks our internal defense, knocking out the already unreliable support from under our feet. A support that was based on the belief that I am able to change the Other. That it is not he who is bad - it is I who have not been “developed” enough. This means that I can fix it. And it hurts. But this pain is necessary and healing. And the path to improving relationships lies precisely through this pain. And then, over time, a conscious, calm choice becomes possible: I want to be with THIS person and in SUCH relationships. Or I want something else. That’s why it’s so important to carefully approach the choice of a man at the very first stages of a relationship. And be very attentive to your feelings, thoughts, body sensations. Keep track of those moments that you don’t like, that are unpleasant. Be aware of them. And ask yourself questions: can I live with this? Is this acceptable for me? Do I have (somewhere deep down) the expectation that over time I will be able to change this about him? That with my love (intelligence, cunning, etc.) I can fix this? It’s possible that you can. Love really does work wonders sometimes. But, only after there is complete acceptance of what is. Acceptance of reality and a REAL person. So, what should you pay attention to when choosing a man for a long-term relationship? Today I would like to focus on such an important point as a man’s respect for personal boundaries: yours and his own. How does this manifest itself in everyday life? First : how much a man hears your “no” and how he reacts to it. For example, a man asks you out on a date tonight. For some reason you can’t today and tell him “no”. The normal reaction of a man in this case is to ask when you can, coordinate with your free time and agree on the next meeting. An abnormal reaction that you should pay attention to may be as follows: the man will very much insist on meeting today. As if not hearing your “no”. Repeating your proposal several times, saying the phrases: “maybe you can reschedule this (the reason for your refusal) to another time,” “let me wait for you,” etc. Or, as an option, a man, hearing “no,” will immediately be offended and “closes down.” The other pole of the problem is excessive “adjustment” to your plans. Questions: “when is it convenient for you?”, “Tell me, I’ll come at any time,” “I’ll cancel everything to meet you,” etc. If the first option says that the man is violating your boundaries. The second one is about the fact that he does not respect and violates his own. Both of them are essentially destructive for normal, healthy relationships. Such are the first.