From the author: An offer of intimacy does not always coincide with our mutual desire. Denying a partner sex is a traumatic situation for him. Using gentle methods of refusal, we not only give ourselves the opportunity to avoid sexual intimacy that we do not want at the moment, but also help our partner to painlessly survive the situation of refusal. I would like to immediately emphasize that in this article I am not talking about sexual harassment and persecution. This topic is worth paying attention to separately. Of course, the offer of intimacy does not always meet our willingness or desire to reciprocate. Sometimes there are objective reasons for this, sometimes there are subjective reasons. Whatever they are, each of us has the right to refuse. However, I think you will agree with me that receiving such refusals yourself is always extremely unpleasant. This hurts self-esteem, pride, and the idea of ​​oneself as a desirable, attractive sexual partner. Less traumatic for us are refusals that come from partners who do not mean too much to us, for whom we do not experience deep feelings and affection. At the same time, we are not so affected by refusals, the reasons for which we understand well. Exactly the same experiences occur among those whom we refuse. Of course, coming up with reasons for refusal, resorting to cunning tricks, or deceiving a partner is not the best way out of the situation. Any insincerity plays against the relationship. However, unmotivated, and even more so, rude and sharp refusal from the category: “Leave me alone”, “I don’t want”, “Not today”, “Not now” also plays against them. At the same time, “overcoming your reluctance”, agreeing to sex if you are not inclined to have sex, is also wrong. I hope that the options for wording of refusal and tactics I have proposed will help you show or explain to your partner your reluctance to have sex, at the same time, without hurting him or offending him. In romantic and in relationships The readiness to enter into intimate intimacy in the early stages of a romantic acquaintance varies for each of us not only depending on our attitudes, moral standards, but also on how sexually attractive the partner himself seems to us. Therefore, the situation when one of the partners is already ready for an intimate relationship, and the other is not yet, is quite common. At the same time, already in the later stages of a relationship, we sometimes find ourselves not ready for sex, as they say, here and now. And so , the following techniques can help you avoid unwanted intimacy in the early stages of meeting your partner: “Prevention of hasty offers of sex” You don’t have to wait until the moment when you have to refuse your partner to enter into an intimate relationship. You can delay hasty proposals in time by telling your partner casually that you are not a supporter of quickly moving on to sex in a relationship, that you respect those who, in turn, respect your position on this issue. It would not be superfluous to add that when you are ready for a sexual relationship with your partner, you yourself will let him know about it. “Don’t give me a reason to be disappointed in you.” If, nevertheless, your partner has not shown the proper patience, you are still not ready to have sex with him ready, you can try to explain to him the following. The essence of this technique is to explain to your partner that you consider him tactful, well-mannered, not prone to promiscuous sexual relationships, capable of restraining his momentary sexual impulses, and therefore capable of being faithful, not cheating, and that you really want to keep and henceforth, have the same idea about him. “Another time” Promise to have sex the next time you meet or after some clearly designated time. A new meeting, of course, may not take place, incl. and on your initiative. If the previous techniques were ineffective, you can try one of the techniques described below. They can also be used on laterstages of relationships and in marital relationships. “Urgent matters” If an offer for sex comes when you are not ready for it, you can, as it were, remember some urgent, urgent matter that you definitely need to do, and leave. “Switching attention” Try to switch your partner’s attention to something other. For example, tell him some funny story from life that suddenly came to your mind and which you are looking forward to telling him about right now. If you are at home, then turn on the TV or computer, distract him with an interesting movie or something else. Improvise based on the situation. “Switching from emotions” Start a conversation with your partner on an abstract but serious topic not related to sex. Tell your partner that you really like him and would like intimacy, but at the moment you can’t think about anything else because all your thoughts are occupied by a problem that you don’t know how to solve, and that you will be grateful to him if he will listen to you and give good advice. And move on to highlighting that very problem. “Feeling bad” If in reality you feel tired, overwhelmed, or experiencing physical illness, then do not hide it from your partner. Tell him about it openly. If in reality you feel great, but cannot find other reasons for refusal, then associate the refusal with your well-being. However, this should not be abused, so as not to fall into the role of an eternally sick partner. Remember about psychosomatics. Whichever of the methods described above you choose, in any case, you are faced with the task of physically leaving the zone of intimacy with your partner, changing the environment, the topic of conversation, the subject of his attention. Promising to have sex another time, clearly indicating when it will happen, also reduces the partner’s negative perception of refusal. In friendly relationships, the concept of “friendship,” especially between representatives of the opposite sex, is filled with different meanings. For some, friendship between a man categorically excludes intimate relationships, for others, sex is considered acceptable. If, in your understanding, sex between friends of the opposite sex is unacceptable, then explain this to your friend, clarifying for him your understanding of the category of “friendship” and the boundaries of such relationships. Tell your friend that if you cross these boundaries, your relationship will no longer be friendly, but you would like to maintain the relationship within the boundaries of friendship. After such an explanation, try to either leave the zone of close proximity with your partner (move away, sit down, leave the room, leave), or switch his attention or emotions to something else. In the field of business relationships By analogy with friendly ones, everyone also views business relationships differently. Some people categorically do not accept office romances, while others start them at every opportunity. If you have sexual relations with those with whom you have business relationships as part of your job (superiors, subordinates, colleagues, work partners, clients etc.) are categorically unacceptable, then also “outline the boundaries” of what is permissible and insist that your colleague respect them and not violate them. Try to be as tactful as possible not only in order not to offend the person, but also in order to avoid completely unnecessary tension in business relationships. Just as in the situation with a friend, try to physically increase the distance between you and change the topic of conversation to another subject. If you are married or in a relationship, strangers may still offer you intimacy. Whether you have a significant other or not may not be of decisive importance to them. However, staying in a relationship or marriage may make all the difference for you. And this can act as the only argument that excludes treason. Practice shows that it works flawlessly with a certain persistence in its presentation on your part. The essence of this technique is to explain to the man (woman) offering sex your moral and ethical position on!