One of the most painful realizations that occur in a psychologist’s office is when a person realizes that he has been manipulated for quite a long time, in some cases, throughout his life. This is very painful, because very often manipulation is hidden under the guise of love and care, and the person simply feels deceived and used. But it is doubly painful when it turns out that they were manipulated and used by their own parents. It can be very difficult for a person to come into contact with this truth, but awareness of parental manipulation can become one of the key turning points in life. Let's figure out how, why this is done and what children should do about it. Parents a priori wish only the best for their children. They know what’s best for their children (making life choices for them), they strive to protect them from mistakes - “learn better from mine,” they look after and care, sometimes at the cost of their own well-being and health. “All the best, always for the children, but we somehow”…sigh the parents who “spent their lives” on raising their own child. Outwardly, there is only boundless concern for the child, the desire to do “what is best,” but as a result, the child, even if he is already forty years old, does as the parents need, completely forgetting about himself. He will not stop and ask himself the question - what do I want to do, what would I be comfortable with at this moment, what can I do FOR MYSELF? Let's think about why it is so difficult to cope with manipulation when it is “disguised” as attention, care , worry about you? “Eat the pie, you’re so skinny, I cooked it especially for you” - and now you are obediently eating the fifth pie with the hated dried apricots. “Put on a hat, otherwise you’ll catch a cold and won’t be able to go to grandma, but she bought you a gift” - a weekend with grandma is guaranteed, and friends will wait. “No - no, what a big city Moscow is, you will be scared and lonely, you will have no one to talk to, you won’t find a job, stay here with us, and your friends are still here, no one has left” - on the dream of living in the capital you can put a cross. Similar remarks, with certain amendments, are familiar to almost everyone. How will a person feel if he refuses to accept the care and warmth that is expressed towards him? Rejecting someone, refusing help, we feel guilty. And the closer a person is to us, the more strength, feelings, and time he has invested in us, the stronger the feeling of guilt he awakens in us in such a situation. In children, the feeling of guilt towards their parents is especially pronounced. It grows and strengthens in various life situations, from childhood. Didn’t listen, misbehaved, got sick - guilty, left, separated, did it his own way - guilty, and so on. And if a parent constantly confirms how caring he is, and if he also emphasizes that his whole life is devoted exclusively to the child, the feeling of guilt becomes simply enormous. So, a person sees endless care and concern for himself, feels guilty and grateful, sees how he is loved, and at the same time builds his life in a way that is convenient for his parents. Such a child is always nearby and lives his life only externally. Deep inside, he is very closely connected with his parents, codependent, decisions are always made only with an eye on their opinion or even completely relying on it, separation is impossible, because it is necessary to always stay close, first to receive unlimited care, and then to be able to return it in full In the family, no one lives their own life - parents are focused on their children, children on their parents. This position is very convenient for parents. There is a sense of self-importance - a person who takes care of everyone has a special position and authority in the family. You don’t have to worry about your life - the children are always there and will always do what they need to do. A situation will not arise that the child will leave to live his own life, and then the resulting void will have to be filled with something. When a parent takes care of you, cares and “does what is best,”