Each of us faces problems and difficulties throughout our lives. And sometimes they are so strong and long-lasting that it becomes necessary to turn to someone else for help. This other person, most often, may be either an acquaintance (friend, relative, etc.), a psychological group where participants give advice, less often a psychologist, and even less often a professional psychologist. In this case, how can we understand what will help in solving problems, what will “cover them up for a while,” and what will completely aggravate the situation or create even more difficulties? How to choose a professional psychologist and what are his main distinguishing features? How does “everyday psychology” differ from professional help from a specialist, and why is it still not worth seeking psychological help in solving serious problems from friends, relatives, or simply people from forums and groups offering to “speak out” and give advice? So who is a psychologist? Often, you can hear from people that a psychologist is a calling, a state of mind. There is no talk about the professional component here. Meanwhile, if we are talking about quality help, in addition to the vocation and desire to help, the psychologist must make a number of demands on himself. These requirements are divided into 2 categories: Education, self-education, personal development. This category implies having a higher education in the field of psychology, advanced training courses, attending personal growth trainings from qualified psychologists (psychotherapists), as well as MANDATORY long-term personal therapy from a certified specialist. Personal therapy helps you understand your own traumas and problems, strengths and weaknesses, and soberly assess your professional capabilities. As they say, before you help others, help yourself. Everyone probably remembers the analogy with an oxygen mask on an airplane. The second category includes the personal qualities necessary for this profession: the ability to listen without judgment, understand, accept, and a true desire to help. With the latter, things are different: giving advice, especially from your personal experience, is not help. You can draw an interesting analogy that I heard from my teacher: if a parent teaches his child to walk by moving his legs, then the child will never learn to walk. The child learns on his own, and the parent is simply nearby and helps, supports, lifts him up when he falls, calms him down if the child hits himself, etc. It’s the same with a psychologist: the client is INDEPENDENTLY able to solve his problems and difficulties, the psychologist can only help, but this help lies in a joint search for resources in the client himself. A psychologist can share his knowledge in the field of psychology to clarify any points for the client. You can call this psychological education, if you like. Also, the psychologist can give various techniques and exercises if they are appropriate for a given client in a given situation. The main thing is not to work only as technicians, they should be “help while providing help.” A person is not a machine and a standard set of exercises does not help everyone, and even if it does, the client may not understand the cause of the problem. As a consequence, there are 2 ways - either the problem will appear again, but later, or it will appear, but in a different place, in a different area of ​​life. As practice shows, most often this is the area of ​​health. Briefly summarizing what was written above, the psychologist assists the client by listening, analyzing the situation, finding out the client’s true attitude to this situation, helping the client to understand and experience feelings regarding the situation and, as a result, helping the client to consciously and responsibly resolve the situation. The question arises: Why can’t friends and relatives help with this? Relatives and friends are interested parties. They have their own interests, we will not touch on them. So, the differences between the help of friends and the help of a professional psychologist: 1. Those who have known us, especially for a long time and closely, may not see what the psychologist sees. And he sees it in forcethe fact that he does not know the client in life, for him the client is “tabula rasa” for the first time and due to education (the way people live seems familiar, but if you take a confident look at a professional, you can see psychopathology there, but about “everyday” psychology later). In a psychologist’s office, the client has the opportunity, I would even say, the full right to self-expression. This self-expression can include not only the beautiful qualities of one’s soul, but also “socially unacceptable” ones: anger, aggression, resentment, etc. Not every relative is ready to hear that, for example, they hate him and list why. In some families it is generally forbidden to be angry. And a person accumulates and accumulates this within himself (consciously or not), and then... Then there is a big explosion with a bunch of victims. Not all our feelings are acceptable for expression in society; they even have strange names: POSITIVE and NEGATIVE feelings. Feelings are feelings such as they are in a given situation and there are no good or bad ones. But it happens that even socially acceptable, “good” feelings cannot be expressed by the client. The psychologist’s task is to create an atmosphere of trust and acceptance and help the client to realize, feel, live and express his feelings in a constructive way, without harming himself or causing significant harm to others. And this is half the success in solving problems. And one more thing - some feelings can be VERY strong and an unprepared person is simply unable to bear them, gets lost or begins to support them too much. As a result, both are in these feelings and now both need help... A psychologist helps to look at the situation from the other side. This can be a big discovery for some clients. The client brings his conflicts to the psychologist’s office and unconsciously repeats and loses these conflicts. And here the client gets a unique opportunity to find a solution to the situation: without mutual accusations (as often happens in life), without raising his voice, insults, or threats. Two adults, conscious people are trying to resolve the conflict that has arisen between them, find a solution, explore, feel (themselves and the other), see the reactions of the other and share their feelings with this other. By solving situations in this way, the client receives a unique experience that can be transferred to life. Some problems, in principle, cannot be solved without professional help. There are situations when the help of a psychologist is mandatory: psychological trauma, violence, PTSD, chemical dependencies (here the help of a doctor is also needed), serious family problems (alcoholism of a spouse, antisocial behavior of a child, family violence), difficult to bear loss of a loved one and etc. Finally, for some clients it is simply important to tell someone about what is happening to them. Tell him to be listened to with respect, acceptance, without advice, moralizing and other things. Strangely enough, it is difficult to get this from relatives and friends. Now about “everyday” psychology. Here I would like to include the topic stated in the introduction about the so-called “psychological” help from non-psychologists on forums and on social networks. “Everyday” psychology - This is our own experience and the experience of previous generations. Some of this may actually help, but it is a very small percentage. Moreover, in serious problems, worldly wisdom does not help at all. Here is a woman living with an alcoholic husband. She lives as she lives, she has already resigned herself to her “fate.” Periodic scandals, assault, breaking dishes, screaming and other “charms”. What help can she provide to another woman in the same situation? Or a woman (man, it doesn’t matter) who has been in the same situation as the person who wrote on the forum. She knows this. She solved this situation. True, it is unknown how successful it really is. Yes, and everyone’s situations may be similar, but still they are their own, special, and someone else’s experience does not bring real help. Sometimes it seems that what worked for us will work for others. This happens rarely, and even less often is competent advice given. Or, a successful woman helping other “unsuccessful” ones achieve the same.