Woman, 32 years old. I myself leave good men as soon as it gets close to a serious relationship. I can’t understand myself. Why am I running, what am I so afraid of, what doesn’t suit me? During the conversation, we found out that the client lives alone with her mother and knows nothing about her father. And something that was previously completely unconscious came to the surface. The client remembered phrases that were repeated repeatedly: We don’t need anyone The two of us are so good and calm I don’t know what would happen to me without you, I would have died a long time ago, probably You are my only happiness It turns out that this is my mother’s desire for her daughter to live with her all her life As soon as the client started having relationships with men, her mother got sick , then she began to complain how bad she felt in her soul, and had no one to talk to, and felt abandoned and unnecessary. And the woman was faced with a choice between her desire to build a relationship with a man and her mother’s desire for her and her daughter to continue to live only together. This process was unconscious. The woman made the decision “automatically.” The feeling of guilt and duty to her mother outweighed her, and she began to look for reasons to end relationships with men. There were also secondary benefits of living with her mother. After all, it was convenient. Mom cooked, washed, cleaned the house. They lived amicably, calmly, evenly. Nothing needs to be changed, the way of life is familiar and in general everything was fine. But the desire to live a full life, to love, to start a family with a loving husband and children did not leave her. After the reason for her leaving men became clear, we:- We created a program for changing the family scenario and successfully implemented it. - We removed distorted thinking - We worked on the topic of emotional dependence on our mother - We consciously separated our desires from those of others - We created a dialogue with our mother. This was the most difficult stage mentally and emotionally. I had to work hard with my feelings of guilt and duty. We rehearsed the conversation before talking in reality. As a result, with the help of I-messages, it was possible to very gently convey to the mother information about the importance of her daughter’s desires and needs. And also agree on their relationship when the daughter has her own family. PS: To be honest, I was lucky with my mother. Usually, such separations from parents are more difficult. After talking with her daughter, the mother also decided to go to a psychologist and start living her own independent life. Do you know how to separate your desires from those of others? Sign up for an online consultation and accompanying schedules on MACWhatsApp, Telegram: +7(915) 745-40-68